..Complex Disorder.. Can you see me? I am not OK Yet me face does say Smiley .. Happy .. Today .. Hooray... I am crying inside Biting my lip Clenching my teeth Crushing my heart Hiding my song... Today, it is like a scratched CD Stuck on one word One note One beat Seemingly forever Repeating .. foreboding .. Unknown .. destroying... Smiley .. Sunshine .. Wearing happy coloured clothes Hair done nicely .. a hint of my favourite perfume And just love my shoes... In my hearts distance that beat goes on Sometimes opening to the recesses of my darkest yesterday Breaking into the prison of my subconsciousnesss pain files Bringing into todays moment Behind my mirrors now All the horror, trauma of hurts gone by Mixing the beat to this never ceasing glitch Which comes to the mix of my hearts beat... Nightmares walk during my day Not even crying takes it away... Dear universe give me the strength Or the songs sad end .. for it to no longer replay into today... Meeting for coffee, I giggle .. we share, lets arrange nexts time mingle For cake .. and lets meet in the park taking in the fresh air... Inside meanwhile I live a life of re-run Some I remember .. horrible... Some I only feel .. hauntingly fearful .. despicable... It then thus builds Only takes one simple trigger Which no one is aware of .. innocent And of my fear - self flies... Yep, FRIGHT .. FIGHT .. FLIGHT... How difficult is it now .. to live me... I am to scared To get close to anyone Yet I yearn to find that sweet place home Somewhere to rest To be understood Even though I do not understand myself.... I live two lives Confusing and one I am learning how to trust... My house is clean My bills are paid My fridge is full My child and animals are happy... And I am just existing....
Posted on: Sun, 27 Jul 2014 11:24:01 +0000
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