Dateline, Washington, D.C. - November 11: In an announcement that shocked even the most grizzled of longtime Washington insiders, President Barack Obama today announced the sudden resignation of White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. Simultaneously, the President announced the appointment of Carneys successor, the previously obscure Mr. Ronald Vinick, a retired school teacher from the poorest county in New Jersey. Mr. Vinick appears to have been caught off guard himself by the announcement. Reached at NJEA headquarters, where Mr. Vinick apparently does volunteer work, he said, This is, of course, an enormous honor but, honestly, a complete surprise as well. I had applied to be official White House photographer some time back without receiving a response, but apparently Barack Obama, clearly the best president this nation has ever had, is as good at organizing his filing as he is at governing. And who am I to question this brilliant mans judgment, particularly when it comes to hiring me. Frankly, this is the best thing that has happened to me since I got my free NJEA lifetime health benefits. I shall, of course, do my best to follow in the massive footsteps of little Jay Carney by forcefully defending any position the president chooses to take, and demonizing those Republican (children of unwed mothers) at every turn. In his announcement, Mr. Obama cautioned his followers to trust in his judgment and give Mr. Vinick a fair chance. This man has steadfastly defended every single thing Ive ever done, and these days folks like that are hard to find, said Obama, adding besides, his occasional grammatical gaffes will give me many opportunities to disabuse the nation of the value of a Catholic education.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 17:55:21 +0000
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