Dear Friends, The 10 Commandments tell us to honor our father and mother. It does not say anything about suing our parents for anything. However, that is what happened in New Jersey a couple of weeks ago when a teenage girl sued her parents to force them to pay tuition for the Catholic high school she attends and to obligate them to pay tuition for her future college education. The media had a field day with this unusual case, but moved to another story after the shock value waned. She claims that she was thrown out of the house and her parents deny that claiming that she left willingly. Before we pass judgment on them we should consider the path that led to the family to estrangement. The break down is not founded on a single issue. Relationships are built over time and can be destroyed over time. Both sides concur that there was a house rule in play, get rid of your boyfriend or leave. Ultimatums rarely work well. We wonder if the girl choose to keep her boyfriend or was she actually thrown out of the house. The answer seems to be yes to both questions. Therein lies the breakdown. In giving their daughter an ultimatum they perceived her leaving as a choice while she experienced it as complete rejection. Rabbi Brad Hirschfield tells us that by being so attached to their own perspective each side failed to recognize or appreciate the others perspective meaning they were blinded to the partial truth of the others position (sounds like the basis of a lot of denominational infighting especially over single issues that are not crucial for salvation. Sometimes well meaning and faithful church folk become more concerned with being correct rather than faithful. That is a recipe for breakdown because when that concern rears its ugly head there is a profound failure to listen. There is nothing noble or faithful in wanting to be the last man standing rather than living in communion as God has called us. No one can predict the future so we do not know if this family will ever reconcile. It is clear that both sides need to dial it back a bit and grow up before they can heal. Both could use a series of lessons in listening. Listening is perhaps the best tool to use before the final destination on the long road to dissolution is reached. They may never agree on the boyfriend just as United Methodists may never agree on peripheral issues. Then again: If we cannot think alike, can we not love alike?( from John Wesleys sermon, The Catholic Spirit) Grace & Peace, Hill
Posted on: Tue, 11 Mar 2014 18:11:28 +0000