Dear Gram: So, I wasnt sure what order you would go in on your birthday. Would you start with the baby and work your way up or would you start at the top and work your way down? Knowing you, you’ll put names in a hat and draw them randomly so as to keep everybody guessing. :) Any who… I figured the best way to cover my @$$ was to send this everywhere I knew you would visit! It’s crazy how fast time is flying by but no number of days could make any of us love or miss you any less and, in some crazy way, every day I seem to love you and miss you even more. I guess I kind of thought that it would get easier as time went by… I wouldn’t call it easier. I might call it “I finally got over myself and realized that you are in a wonderful, beautiful, amazing, perfect place, but it was ok for me to grieve and mourn the loss of my Gram for a little while”. It didn’t take long, though, for me to start seeing you everywhere and for me to feel you telling me in your very calm, soft but direct way “It’s time to suck it up Missy… get it together kid. I haven’t gone anywhere and I still love you as much as I did the day you were born”. Gram, you flew Home peacefully surrounded by us all on March 1st and by March 10th you showed your colors. Now, that doesn’t mean that was the last day I grieved. That just means it was the first day that I allowed myself to feel your comfort. It was the day I stopped punishing myself for not calling and visiting more and I started to remember all of the amazing times I had and how grateful I was to have had you for so much of my life. As I walked a path to the entrance of Carlsbad Caverns in Carlsbad, NM on that beautiful March 10th day, you began to flutter. You were everywhere along that path of wildflowers and I knew without a doubt that it was you. I knew, right then, that I had made the amazing list of people that you would never leave. You would always be with me. I would never let you go anyway and Lord knows if I tried to, well, let’s just say I like my books on the shelf where they are and I’m not one for hauntings. Ha ha ha ha ha! So, I’m afraid that the arrival of this letter may draw some tears from the ones who love you most but I hope they understand that it was the only way that I felt like I could be with all of them and hug all of them on the day that they are going to need a hug the most this year. I know they’ll get it… I know they’ll appreciate it and I know that it’s what you would want me to do. Thank you for raising such strong, wonderful, compassionate, caring, intelligent, gentle, amazing and beautiful souls. The examples set by your highest ranking daughter and those that came after her is what has molded me into the woman I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. I am a good woman Gram… I know it in my heart. I couldnt always have said that with confidence but today I can and I come from a very long line of good women. I am so blessed and honored to call each of the women reading this my mom and my aunt’s. You will always be the grand DAMN of this family. The shoes you left behind are absolutely impossible to fill but we will always continue to strive for the level of greatness that was, is and always will be… my Gram. I miss you more than chocolate chip cookies, rainbows, the smell after a good rain, sunsets on the Pacific ocean, the way you dumped my drawers for not cleaning my room (ok, maybe I don’t miss that)… I miss you more than riding my bike down the alley from our house to yours and I miss the days of having breakfast at Coco’s diner and dinner at the San Franciscan. I miss running into the bowling alley and sneaking over to your office to see you. I miss the way your house smelled when you were cooking or baking and I miss you more than when you made me homemade macaroni and cheese with no onions. I miss your hugs, I miss your laugh, I miss your long talks about what you expect from me and how great you know I can be. I miss you more than anything. I love you more than fresh cut flowers, rescuing puppies, loading up and heading to the beach for a picnic, and watching Judge Judy with you. Your chicken tenders, your dumplings, the way you took care of me when I was sick. I love you more than the hand-spun shakes at 59 Diner and I love you more than the wind in my hair. The truth is, I love you more than anything. Happy birthday Gram and to Mr. Jim! I know that Lisa is missing you terribly today but you guys are having the greatest party of all. You dance with Jesus today and every day. Well see you when we take One More Step. Love, Missy
Posted on: Mon, 17 Nov 2014 16:00:14 +0000
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