Dear Mommy, After so many years, I’m starting to really hate this disease; what it’s doing to me, but even more, what it’s doing to you. I always try finding ways to verbally express how sorry I am for the burdens I’ve created, but you just smile and tell me nothing’s wrong. I often wonder how you remain so quietly courageous, despite having the weight of the world upon your shoulders, taking care of me and everyone else in our family. “Because you’re my son,” you tell me. I wish you knew how much I’d give to relieve a small fraction of your daily stresses that are in my head by washing the dishes, doing the laundry, or vacuuming the house. Yet it could all be undone if my foot would simply conjure the strength to take the first step forward so I might finally walk again. Truth be told, there are times when I feel guilty while questioning the heart I have for you. Is my love genuine, or am I afraid of losing you because only in your hands are my needs perfectly met and attended without worry? I pray to God every morning, begging Him to take me home before you. Oh, my dear, sweet Mommy, it was never supposed to be this way. How could life hurt so much? How could there be so much darkness? These daily routines, the emergency, near-death happenstances… I tire of them when all I want is to feel normal. What is normal though? Perhaps it’s to be pain free, for once, for real, but even then, there is already too much loss from limb to limb. “Basic” is nothing more than a breath of air anymore. Nevertheless, these feelings and emotions of mine seem like a whimsical fairytale in comparison to your hardships. Only your incredible tenacity shines through, and my foundation lies upon your will and determination. Everyone thinks I’m brave, but what they truly see is your spirit that has embraced my soul. You are my conscience forevermore, and I am my mother’s son. Thank you for being my heroine, and never giving up on me. Whenever you take my hand in yours, I realize that things are better. And deep down inside, I know that I do love you. My mind gets messed up sometimes, but you give me hugs and kisses anyway. With hope, Ricky
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 02:49:23 +0000
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