Do not be quick to accuse your children of lying because until 5 years, real lying or lying out of self-interest is rare; rather it is due to their active imagination, related to playing or creating astonishment in others, or to the child’s exploration of the self. Do not condemn a child who has tired you with their questions, as this weakens their sense of curiousity. Try not to quarrel, especially in front of the child, as this troubles them greatly and affects their personality. Children have a particular fear of the word death, especially death of their mother or father. Therefore, where it is not necessary, don’t speak constantly of your death, or the like. However, do teach your child the truth about death, clearly and calmly and without eliciting fear. Find out about your child’s talents and develop these as much as possible. In terms of wordly aspects, do not over-saturate your child so that they go on the wrong path, nor under do it, as both these methods are dangerous. The single most important cause of the happiness of the child is the kindness of the parents. No other quality can create happiness and calmness in a child like love, and likewise, no other quality can disturb and trouble a child like the lack of affection from the parents. Children of parents who are successful in this area try their best to please their parents and stay away from actions that will displease and trouble them, both in their childhood and when they are older. Therefore, love and affection not only satisfies the needs of the child but ensures their obedience. Allāh (swt) has referred to this impact of kindness in the Noble Qur’an, in Surat Āli-‘Imrān, Verse 159: } فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللٌّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لاَنفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ { “It is by Allāh (swt)’s mercy that you are gentle to them; and had you been harsh and hardhearted, surely they would have scattered from around you.” It is important to note that there should not be extremes; too much love, just like too little, is destructive to the child; therefore practise the middle path and raise your child in such a manner that they are able to stand on their own two feet when older. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “The worst fathers are those who, in their goodness and love towards their child, go over the limits and incline to excesses.”[409] 38. It is important that the parents give freedom and independence to their children according to their capabilities, so that they develop their initiative, innate independence and self-trust. At the same time, one must be careful not to exceed the limits so that children bring harm to themselves. Some parents, either to free themselves of their responsibilities or because of misplaced love, leave their children completely to their own devices; however, before long, the child grows up without knowing anything of their responsibilities in the house, or otherwise. It is at this point parents try to instil this in their children, not surprisingly without any effect. Other parents however, do the opposite and do not give their children enough opportunities to lead their own activities, constantly interfering in what their children are doing and how. Both are wrong and have negative consequences.
Posted on: Sat, 31 Aug 2013 06:40:44 +0000
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