Do you guys like stories about men in love with their waifus? I wrote one such story last night during a friendly competition. I had half an hour to make something beautiful, this is the result of that. It involves copious amounts of Kirino and spaghetti. google docs version: https://docs.google/document/d/1MKC8k6MsWdDQELjTd5tkSDecXjPn5oteB2W_xbv7q10/edit?usp=sharing copy paste version (not recommended, poor formatting) Hands run across a delicately smooth surface, slightly soft, peachy skin... feverishly, yet patiently they embrace the figure in their presence. Adjusting his fedora, Brony Mc Friendzoni sighs deeply, his exterior lethargic. “Oh Kirino. You are my only true love.” Kirino looks embarrassed, covering her eyes. Brony Mc Friendzoni leans up from bed, rubbing his tired eyes. The sunlight streams in on the romantic scene, bringing in the fresh new light of the day. “We have a big day ahead of us, my love.” Kirino covers her eyes from the sun, cheeks flushed. BMF stands from the bed, walking over to his desk. Upon it lies the second most important thing in BMFs life, his computer. I mean, sure, its a little broken. It has some sort of strange amoeba living in the fan that whispers through his headphones sometimes, but its what he has to deal with, being unemployed. His fingers set to work, just able to hit the keys despite their girth, in his practiced morning routine. Update tumblr. Complain about stupid women. Post waifu. Update facebook status. Cry into keyboard. Go on roleplay forum. After that, satisfied with the mornings work, he helps Kirino out of bed and into the kitchen. “Ill make you breakfast now, best girl.” Kirino looks tsundere as she gives a silent thanks. BMF makes his way through the cupboard, spaghetti flying out of almost every door he opens. “Looks like today is going to be spaghetti, again.” A few short minutes and BMF is sitting down with Kirino, digging into last nights plain spaghetti. The pasta filling his stomach, but not the hole in his heart. “Were going out today.” Kirino looks pleased. “To a nice, fancy date. Ill treat you right, Im not like those other guys. Say goodbye to jerks like your brother. Im a real man.” “...” “Are you not hungry? You havent touched your morning spaghetti.” Kirino averts her eyes. Finishing his meal, BMF goes into the bathroom to spray his deoderant and pick out a new fedora. He recently ordered a new batch from the internet, so theyre cleaner than the rest of his clothes. “Ill be with you in a moment my dear.” He takes out a bunch of flowers from the vase, pre-wrapped and clutches them within his obtuse fingers. Strolling back out to the kitchen, he gives his housemate a grin. “I got something for you.” Kirino looks surpised, blushing in embarrassment. He pulls the flowers out from behind his back. “Surprise!” Kirinos face is red. “....” “Speechless?” BMF nods to himself. “I am quite the gentlemen. But this is just the beginning of our euphoria today. Lets head out, my dear.” Gently, he guides Kirino out the door and into his car. It smells slightly of dead raccoon, not quite sure why, but its homey enough. He clears away the dorito packets from the front seat and helps Kirino get comfortable. Then he strolls around the car, skipping slightly with glee on the way, as he makes his way to the car door. “Today will be a special day.” “What do you mean I cant bring her in with me?! I booked for two people!” BMF insists, stamping his foot slightly. The woman behind the counter winces slightly, struggling to calm him down. “N-Now look here, s-sir, we cant have you in this establishment with your... companion.” “I am paying for two meals, like everyone else.” “S-Sir...” “This is an outrage! The world is so hard for me, Brony Mc Friendzoni, a simple guy, trying to take his girlfriend out somewhere nice for a meal...” “Girlf-friend?” BMF meets the confused look of the girl with a scornful glare. “Yes. We are very much in love.” “Sir, she...” “I DEMAND to speak to management!” A few brief moments later, a well built man in a tuxedo makes his way from upstairs. His eyes instantly light up at the sight of BMF and his companion. “Ah! BMF, long time no see!” “Senpai! Hello desu.” “Fufu. Moshi Moshi my nakama.” The manager waves the girl behind the counter away off-handedly. “We have things to do. Get this man a table.” The girl looks completely lost, struggling to articulate a sentence. “Go on, you silly baka!” BMF insists. “I swear, these god damn weeaboo-ass weirdos coming in here...” She strolls off into the room to make them a table. ~~~ “So, BMF, still liking worst girl, I see?” BMF wraps his thick arms around his girlfriend defensively. “She is NOT the worst girl! You simply dont understand.” “Kuroneko has always been, and always will be best girl.” BMFs friend says, one arm slung around a girl with long black hair and cat ears in her underwear. “Your girl has no passion.” “Shes got plenty.” “Yeah, like how?” “Well this one time she wore black clothes a lot.” “Ha! My girl has superior taste in eroge, not to mention anime...” The girl from earlier approaches their table, setting down four plates off a tray. “Two for you weeaboos, and two for your pillows.” BMF and the manager look shocked. “How could you say such a rude thing to my waifu?” BMF stutters out. “I could fire you in an instant, young lady.” “You are literally hugging an anime character in underwear as you are saying this. What is wrong with you?” “YOU DONT UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE!” The two shout in unison. “And by the way, youre fired.” The manager adds. She looks shocked. “Y-Youre not serious.” … “Fine! Like I wanted to work for your weeaboo-ass restaurant! I do this to pay my rent! I could go places! Ive got a future!” “But your waifu is a shit.” BMF says. “Agreed.” The girl spins on her heel, throwing down the remaining plates from the tray. “Im done!” “Wow, what a freak.” BMF chuckles. “Yeah, Im glad were normal, at least.” The two of them clink their glasses together triamphantly. “Your waifu is still a shit, by the way.” “As is yours.” The end.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 13:19:59 +0000
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