Election results confirm the nation is suffering from a severe disorientation and memory loss condition scientists have named, The Magical Mystery Tour of Republican Fantasyland. Of course, anything scientists determine as being real should be considered suspect. The symptoms of this bizarre illness include selective thinking and reasoning and, apparently, a total blackout of events occurring between 1999 and 2008. Tragically, these people have no memory of approving wars against two countries while being in a trance like state watching Fox News. Its reported by some that blinks were detected during the color coded updates on potential terror attacks. Likewise, there is absolutely no recollection of going out on a wild spending spree, bankrupting the treasury and bottoming out the stock market while somehow losing 3 million jobs while attending an event opposing french wine & fries. Likewise, theres no memory of investing billions of dollars in a company called “Haliburton” or not seeing a return on their investment. Sadly, they dont even recall giving away their personal freedoms. Although the CDC can’t explain or isolate the cause of this mystery illness, there are reports of miraculous recoveries over the last few weeks, luckily in time for the mid-term elections. A telephone call to the Surgeon Generals office went unreturned. It was later learned that we are currently without a surgeon general due to a lengthy delay in approval by the a Republican Party members of the United States House of Representatives on order of the NRA.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 02:35:25 +0000
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