Every night I lay down in bed, about the same time as everyone else. I take my meds, drink my hot tea, spritz Lavender upon my pillow, and a ton of other little things to help me sleep. Inevitably, an hour or so passes, and I am still wide awake, listening to the entire world around me snore. My dog, my husband, the wind across my roof, my son in the next room. Im bored. Im unable to sleep. I read books, stupid buzzfeed articles, research about thyroid disorders, my hands start to hurt, my hips ache, I toss. I turn. The dog kicks me. Im bored and I wonder, why am I doing this to myself. I should just make my bedtime two am. Because I wont sleep until then. If you dont beleive me, check my Facebook postings for months back. Youll see they begin around 9pm most nights and end around 2 am the next day. And just as I get sleepy, just as my eyes start to drift off, it happens. My dear snoring husband shoves his knee right into my backside. What I am supposed to do with it, I dont know. He continues snoring. I assume its not some kind of narcoleptic foreplay. Ive wondered if it is cold, on his knee, and occasionally, I make an effort to warm it. This usually only results in the unpleasant smell assaulting me. He seems undeterred and the knee is not removed. So, I dont do that on purpose anymore. I do wish someone could tell me what this nighttime arsehole kneeing is all about. Weve been married many years and it is only about a year old practice of his. And either its ritualistic nature must be kept secret at all costs, or he has no memory at all of this practice. Regardless, I hope to sleep soon. First I must dislodge his joint from my rear end. Its not as funny as it sounds.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Mar 2014 06:56:56 +0000
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