Every now and then we have a morning where we wake up, and our first thought is Whats the point? Lifes more trouble than its worth; If it was possible, I would negate my existence. Everyone Ive ever hurt, everyone Ive ever helped, I would just undo it all; Make it as though I was never a rain drop in the worlds ocean, never creating any ripples. On a good day Ill tell you that its worth it to exist because Ive done more good for people than bad...But on days like today Ill tell you that I dont care how much good Ive done. I would...Undo a hell of a lot of good, if it meant not having to live this life. That makes me inherently selfish, I despise this existence enough to throw anybody Ive helped under a bus, to negate it. In this life I let down the people I love and give light to complete strangers; And I just keep my game face on, because thats my job...But inside, theres really nothing left. Just lust and substance abuse; A man who doesnt actually care about the world. Sometimes I think Im inherently a good man, whos just playing bad. But nobody knows my truth except for me, that truth is: I dont really care about anything except for my own happiness and this whole life of mine, is a retaliation; Against the world that ripped my capacities for happiness away. I can say I protest for my brothers and sisters; But the simple truth is, I only do it because I know this world is going to spit out more monsters like me, if I cant aid in the reform of this economy. Nobody will understand how I really feel after a couple years of ritalin, and a few years of anti-depressants. The average nutritional terrorism aside; Ive had heavy exposures to the blatant childhood-robbing medications out there. I was skipping school getting drunk telling myself I was worthless at 15. But...Alas at the end of this post, I see light at the end of this tunnel. For myself, and everyone else. I look back at everything Ive endured, the loneliness, the inability to connect, letting down the people I love; I realize, that looking into your eyes I see the same fears. Were all afraid that we might be at home, alone down here. But were not
Posted on: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 15:16:10 +0000
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