Everyday I wake and want to write and meditate and release some of the seemingly profound thoughts I have when I am in a semi dream state, desperate to capture a little of the dramatic transformation that is happening before me/to me and all around me but then it literally gets sucked out of me, my energy leaves the building and gets squirted on by a body just learning to spray. This is the release. The surrender. Now, I type again with one hand as a tiny body I created sleeps on me and I am amazed by how something so small can count on me so much- how all those ugly/crazy/funny faces my godmother said would get stuck on me, come up in his face and I recognize parts of me, I wasnt always able to accept. So similar and yet different, foreign yet familiar. This creature is on me, one who intimately needs me and shares so much with me still and I dont even know his voice yet. I know his cry, his coo and concerned expression, the way his face puckers when a poop is coming but I have yet to hear him laugh. Each day is a new unfurling, an unwrapping of more personality and gestures, a call to teach me my greatest lessons yet. I am humbled by his power already--with less than 8 pounds, his spirit takes over a room. He is teaching me that I cant take plans so seriously. Everything changes and he is determined to grow. I can try to capture it all down, record the treasures for prosperity but make sure not to forget to enjoy the experience itself, to let the phone run out of batteries, the milk spill, the remote drop, the computer die, the pen dry, the book end-- what is most real is the intangible, the fleeting, the ephemeral, the happenings and moments when I look into his eyes, kiss, hug, hold and cry because this is real, a new type of complicated forever love I am privileged to be part of and learn from more and more each day... Welcome week two of life, I embrace you& this journey into motherhood, little sleep, many questions, mistakes, fears, joys and all...
Posted on: Mon, 25 Aug 2014 01:57:45 +0000
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