Everything that came after that was like an episode of Charlie Brown in the class room. All I heard was Wah Wah Wah. Still to this day I have no recollection of what those sweet, compassionate women said to me. So this is what NUMB feels like. For the first time in my life Im speechless. They asked if I had any immediate questions and My first thoughts went straight to the little life I had growing inside me. They couldnt give me great detail at the time, since we didnt know if the cancer had spread. By size alone I was stage 2 but thats all we knew. They shared with me that they had informed my OBGYN before my arrival but asked him not to say anything. So now the REAL reason for my induction was all becoming clear. The baby could be in danger so we needed to get him out. The women left my sister and I alone to collect our thoughts. Erin assured me Id be fine and took the girls outside so I could have some time. She was going to call my parents and fill them in on the news. Have you ever been left alone with yourself? I mean really alone? That free falling feeling re-enters my body and I know I have to pick up the phone and call my husband but I cant make my fingers dial the numbers. I sit in the silence for a few more minutes before calling my husbands work phone. It rings just once and a rushed voice answers hey im busy ill call you back and I hear a click and then a dial tone. Did he just hang up on me???? OH NO HE DIDNT. Ive never in my life felt so much rage come over me. Now, in all honesty this happened quite frequently with my husbands job. If he had a meeting at his desk or near his work station hed hang up on me all of the time and I completely understood and never too offense to it, but this time.... Hell hath no furry like what I was about to unleash when I called him back. My hands were shaking and hot steaming tears started streaming down my face. The phone rang, and rang and rang and rang... voicemail. I hung up and called him again. Same thing... it rang and rang and rang and rang and voicemail. The third time it rings just once and he answers the phone with an exasperated What do you need. I. Have. CANCER. as I say the words I lose myself and fall helplessly into my chair. its cancer Joey... I have cancer. in a voice so tight and low he whispers ill call you right back I only have a few seconds to fill him in before there is a knock at the door and I have to go. They have more tests they want to run before I leave. He tells me he loves me and Hell meet me at my moms after he gets off work. I have my first mammogram, while pregnant, with Dolly Parton breasts that are filled with milk.. Now YOU tell ME how well that panned out! In true Jodi fashion I had the tech in stitches as we made myself, yet again a human squirt gun. If I hadnt lost all of my modesty with having the girls, it surely had flown out the window on this day! Even though I could SEE the lump in my reflection in the mirror at home... the mammogram did not pick up the mass in my breast. I found this very disheartening then and even more today. The Nurse had told me she had already made arrangements for me to speak with several surgeons so that I could make the best decision for my family. She handed me a large folder that now contained a new course and road map for my life. I dont remember the drive home to my moms house. I do remember seeing my husbands car parked in the driveway and him standing on the deck with a smile as I pulled in. How on EARTH did he beat me here? He had to have been running 120 miles per hour on the highway. He appeared to be calm and collected. Thats his style and I rely on that just as much as I rely on about anything. Hes my strong and steady. I wouldnt find out until a year later that he had called his mom hysterically crying in fear of losing me on the way to my moms. He held me for what seemed to be an eternity as I finally let go and really cried for the first time. It too would be almost a year to the day before I cried like this again. He told me how much he loved me, how wed figure everything out together, and certainly Id be fine. I would share with him our son would be named Joseph Michael Riggsby Jr.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Jun 2014 19:58:56 +0000