Feel like Im struggling to just make it day to day. Im so tired of putting on this stupid mask every morning I wake up after fighting to get just a few hours of sleep. Ive come to realize no matter how you look on the outside, or how good you learn to pretend to laugh, smile, or even carry on a normal conversation with people, all I want to do is give up. I can never seem to do anything right anymore. ALL I WANT IS MY BABY BACK!!! N o matter how much I fall apart, scream, cry, I know hes not coming back so its so much easier to keep it inside sometimes. Those that know what it feels like know the actual pain it causes. The lump in your throat, hard to breath, millions of tears shed quitely...nothing is going to make it go away!! I want to scream at the top of my lungs F*** it, Im done!!! Do you know how BAD I just want to hear your voice, just one more time, just once son, saying I love you mommy? To kiss you on the cheek and wrap my arms around you so tight and never let go?? Begging to hear you when we would have conversations about certains things and you would laugh at me and say dont sweat it mom! I need to hear it now!! Who ever said it gets easier has NO clue what its like to live this way day after day. I miss you more than you could ever imagine. I carried you for 9 months and watched you grow into a handsome, kind hearted, respectful, and loving young man and Fletcher and Stevens (yeah I said the names, and I say f*** you) had no right and I hope they burn in hell for their actions!! and for the person (Daniel Cutsinger) that sent that nasty email that if it werent for protecting the rest of my family would be posted on the internet right now, I hope you have a seat up front!!!!!!!! Am I angry???? HELL YEAH! DO I CARE ANYMORE?? HELL NO!! Our US Military is so corrupt and I would beg any young person considering joining to reconsider!! Dont let them feel your head with bs...they dont give a shit about you or your family!! You are just a number easily replaced when they send your body home to your mother, father, sister, brother, wife, or kids!! You mean absolutely nothing to this country in the governments eyes!! I know I will get some crap about this because I have on a previous post a while back. BUT I DONT CARE ANYMORE!! 18 months today and STILL no answer so you tell me how im suppose to rest when I know my son would still be alive if it wasnt for our wonderful government and the pricks in charge!!! Just remember ive told you a thousand times...IM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE and ill NEVER GO AWAY!! COVER YOUR ASS, destroy data off his computer, destroy his cell phone, whatever you need to do, just be ready for years of hell from this momma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 05:49:14 +0000
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