Forgiveness is Good ---------------------------------- South Bronx Concerned Citizens, Inc : Peter J. Serrano Facilitator, SBCC Anti-Violence Program Introduction Picture the crowed screen in front of a anxious air traffic controller. Picture the chaos in the room and the jumble of plans on the screen. Now Imagine that your unresolved grievances are the plans on the that screen that have been circling for days and weeks on end. How did the plans get up there in the first place? Did you took something too Personal. Did you continued to blame the other person who hurt you for how bad you felt. Or did you created a grievance story/by continuing to add to the hart Kinds of Forgiveness There are three kinds of forgiveness, all interrelated. There is self-forgiveness, which enables us to release our guilt and perfectionism. There is the forgiveness we extend to others and receive from them, intimates and enemies alike. And there is the forgiveness of God that assures us of our worth and strengthens us for this practice. What is Forgiveness? Is it the peace you learn to feel when you allow these circling plans to land? I s forgiveness for the offender or for you? Is forgiveness, taking you own power back? Is forgiveness, taking responsibility for how you feel? What is Forgiveness? Forgiveness is about your healing and not about the people who hurt you. Forgiveness is a trainable skill like learning to throw a baseball. Forgiveness dose not mean reconciling with the offender. Everyone can learn to forgive!! What forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness Forgiveness is not forgetting that something painful happened. Forgiveness dose not mean you give up having feelings Forgiveness dose not mean giving up our rights to be angry when hurt or mistreated. Defining Forgiveness One way to define forgiveness is the experience of peace and understanding that can be felt in the present moment. You forgive by challenging the rigid rules you have for other people’s and by focusing your attention on the good things in your life as opposed to the bad. Message One of the central messages of understanding forgiveness is that only three components underlie the creation of any long-standing hurt and grievance: The exaggerated taking of personal offence. The blaming of the offender for how you feel. The creation of a grievance story How do we keep a grievance Alive? By the careful feeding and nurturing of a grievance component we can keep a hurt alive forever. Why Forgiving and Forgetting God Says to Forgive and Forget - Should We Really Forget? Can we Forget? So youve been done wrong, talked ugly about, gossiped about, ran down, hurt, trashed, etc. Not once, but many times, and by the same person. What do you do? What does God say to do? Were told to forgive, and we do. Were told to forgive 70 x 7, and we do. Were told to love those that hate us, and we do. So whats the problem? Along the way Somewhere along the way, we forgot to forget all those times that the person hurt and used us, and did mean things to us, and behind our backs. Does this mean we have not forgiven, or does it mean we have simply not forgotten in order not to be hurt again? Mistaken Concept The bible says many times to forgive, and how many times we are to forgive. But some people have the mistaken concept that to forgive is also to forget, and that is not biblical, nor is it true. To forgive is not to hold the person accountable for that wrong anymore, but forgiveness does not mean that we have forgotten what they have done. Turning the other Cheek The bible says when someone slaps the one cheek, to turn and offer them the other cheek also. (Refuse to Retaliate) I believe that we are to do that because God tells us to do that. But what is one to do when they have run out of cheeks, so to speak, after so many times of this? Are we above being human, in that after so much of this, we tire of it? Or do we continue to let someone use and hurt us? By Turning the other Cheek Fools or Idiots I believe God gave us brains and minds to think with, and to use. Our brain tells us that we would be fools or idiots to continue to offer up a cheek to be slapped, after so many times of being slapped in the face. How many of us, being human as we are, would continue to offer up that cheek? We are commanded by God to forgive. But I have a hard time believing that God would want us to forget our pasts, because our pasts is what make us who we are and how we relate to our present. Human To make a mistake is human, but to forgive is Devine.........how many times have we heard that saying? None are above sinning, and none are so perfect and good that they can do no wrong. But some cannot admit they are wrong, and cannot say they are sorry. How does one forgive someone like this? Forgiveness vs. Forget I say that we forgive them as we forgive anyone.....but again I say that to forgive is not the same thing as forget. When we forgive someone, we are not saying we have forgotten what they have done or said. We are saying we forgive them. Most of us will probably admit that we will forget when we are too senile (old) too remember anymore.
Posted on: Tue, 22 Apr 2014 17:05:29 +0000
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