Friday, October 10, 2014 Memo To: TCDA Taylor County Economic Development Authority, please dont close the HAT IN THE HAND-LINE. More shysters are headed your way, and we certainly want you to take a good hard look at each of them, and do your “due diligence”, just like you and the County Commission, the City Council, and the honorable City Manager did on the BioNitrogen scam. That unfortunate arrest and bad press were merely a bump in the road to riches for all involved. But new and exciting developments are here and now at hand!! Just between us, a few very recent secret meetings have revealed that Perky the Penguin is headed toward Taylor County. We want you and Taylor County to take full advantage of this brand new promise of jobs, jobs, jobs. We luckily have an “in” with GP, P&G, the LOP&G railway, and BioNitrogen, so we’ve paved the way already and have already surpassed the most significant initial hurdles. We want to be your newest Rising Star. As you already know, well before anyone else in the county was privy to this knowledge, this Perky applicant has a revolutionary proprietary patented process for converting GG (GoldenGuano) into a food supplement (think Omega 3 fish oil without the fish burps). Secretly, at least one million breeding pairs of Amelie Penguins are on a chunk of ice shelf (being towed from Pink Elephant Island (think Rock Island, by iceberg cowboys) headed for that famous deep water port (as convincingly mentioned by Brian Kornegay in his recent PowerPoint presentation to the TCDA) at the old Fenholloway River Fish Camp site. There’s even a large ship shown on the Apalachee Bay map in the PowerPoint. From the pulp mill to the Fish Camp, a pipe will be connected to a space-age design heat exchanger which will funnel cool air from the minus 400 degree gas into a fully enclosed penguin heaven, where slatted floors will capture 100% of the GoldenGuano, and there will be zero emissions. If there ever were any accidental emissions, they would instantly render unconscious any of those pesky questioning environmentalists in the area, which should make your cohorts Brownie and Simons very happy. An on-site fully contained unsegregated gasification process, using a fluidized bed and Edsel-era capacitators and precipitators, transforms the GoldenGuano into a high protein, Chiclet type very flavorful chewing gum. We have applied for a patent on this new technology and expect to receive it in less than one week. The Chiclets, oh those tasty little Chiclets, formed from magic pellets, never, ever wear out. The flavor and fragrance remain forever. So, we would very much like to apply for a new industry incubator spot in your economic development list of best and highest $$ amount tax incentives, bond-lettings, lines of credit, subsidies, grants. We are needy, (we tell you truly Needy; we have only $14.99 in our checking account) and we are the newest Limited Liability Corporation (no bad history to concern inquiring minds) in Florida. We are prepared to offer you and each of the major players in town 1 million shares each of our 5 cent penny stock, but we promise you’ll be rich if we can just get all the incentives legally or illegally possible. We, of course, must insist on full confidentiality IAW 288.075 -- No Financials Please (actually, we dont believe in keeping any records at all, but since you asked, we do have a number of holding companies hidden through several layers of smoke and mirrors and legalese. You cool with that, Scottie? Oh Yes, we thought so. We will be there Tuesday for our scheduled signing session. Our fancy New York public relations firm, All IN Marketing, will be writing up already prepared forward-looking press statements and releases for you. Oh, and by the way, please send to All IN a flattering picture of yourself and Brownie ASAP. Thanks in advance.
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 22:43:28 +0000
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