Funnies from my cousin Alans News Letter: story from Rusty: Three old golfers are walking down the fairway. Sixty is the worst age to be, said the 60-year-old, You always feel like you have to pee. Most of the time you go into the bathroom and nothing happens. Ah, thats nothing, said the 70-year-old. When youre 70, you dont have a bowel movement anymore. So you take laxatives, eat bran, go sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens. Actually, said the 80-year-old, Eighty is the worst age of all. Do you have trouble peeing too? asked the 60-year-old. No, I pee every morning at 6.00 am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all. Do you have trouble having a bowel movement? asked the 70-year-old. No, I have one every morning at 6.30 am. Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said, Lets get this straight. You pee every morning at 6.00 am and take a dump every morning at 6.30 am. So whats so tough about being 80? I dont wake up until seven! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heres an anecdote from Stan: A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out of the vehicle, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the drivers door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how an auto body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life. How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer. The cop replied, Dont you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you! OH, MY GOD!!! screamed the lawyer. My Rolex!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ill close with this tale from Barry.: The nice Jewish mother-in-law comes over and finds her son-in-law furious, and packing his suitcase. What happened? She asks. Eli screamed, What happened? Ill tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife saying that I was coming home from my trip today. I got home and guess what I found? My wife, yes my Rachel, your daughter, with a naked guy in our marital bed! This is the end of our marriage. Im leaving! Calm down! says the mother-in-law. Theres something odd about this story. My Rachel would never do such a thing! Wait a minute while I check what happened. Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. You see, I said there must be a simple explanation... ...Rachel never received your email!
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 20:37:29 +0000
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