GAMES FOR CHAVS : Number One - IM CALLING THE POLICE RIGHT NOW. This game must be played on a very hot day on a street where there are no dividing fences between peoples front gardens. The players consist of 6 bald men & 6 preternaturally skinny women (plus assorted small children & staffie dogs). The game starts with everyone sitting on someones doorstep getting pissed for four hours. The aim of the first part of the game is to cause as much disturbance to everyone else who lives on the street. Participants have to shout their heads off, laugh & guffaw like donkeys, and set their spawn running through everybodys gardens hitting each other with sticks, and pursued by barking dogs. Musical accompaniment is provided by opening a front room window, or a car door, and blaring chav music into the street. One of the team is nominated the Dwayne and he has to go to the offie. The object of the Dwayne is to take everyones orders for the offie whilst being as far away from the rest of the team as possible. Orders from the offie must be shouted at the Dwayne only when he has moved down to the bottom of the road. If the Dwayne returns from the offie sucessfully, the next round can begin. The man who has gone the reddest in the sun gets to be the Jobbo. The Jobbo has to take his white T-Shirt off & threaten the Dwayne with a bit of the old ultraviolence. This must be done at a distance at least equivalent to the distance between the team & the Dwayne when the Dwayne was taking orders for the offie (i.e - a safe distance). At no point must actual fisticuffs ensue - the Dwayne & The Jobbo must be at a distance where their threats have to be shouted at peak volume to each other. The third round involves the female players. The team must nominate a Chantel & an Alisha. The object of the Chantel is to get the two men to fight each other, whereas the opposing Alisha tries to calm them down. The Chantel runs back & forward between the two men, stirring it up by telling each of them He said this... or He said that.... (detailing various pieces of slander or gossip) whereas the Alisha runs between the two men pinning their arms to their sides & saying Dont ! Hes not worth it ! Youre in enough trouble with the cops already ! The remaining four skinny women must now compete to be the Sharon. The Sharon is the first one of them to run over to the other side of the road, pull out her mobile & shout (as loudly as possible) Thats It ! Im phoning the police right now! followed by You dont believe me ? Im on the phone to them RIGHT NOW ! at which point all the bald men have to kiss & make up & tell each other Youre my best friend really. Play is then adjourned, and - weather permitting - resumed again the following lunchtime.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:07:01 +0000
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