Gabe Androyna My Heaven, Ive been thinking of many things since our loss, yet havent expressed the soiree of emotions uninvited; chief among them, -this I cant help but ponder and it is my stave, the intangible thing, the IDEA of love, -what a thought impulse it is! Its possibly the best sentient energy the universe has to offer, foremost, a free and gracious gift. How it changes as it grows, from the spark of an attraction to the convergence of two souls such as ours intertwined in the splendor of being, of one blazing fire, consuming and fed all kindliness when it smolders. Already we have spent half of one year together and undergone the inevitable and constant changes that the progression through time entails, but what is such a blink of time compared to forever? -how long that may be. What are born and perish inside us renews our capacity to love each other even more as the plucking of flowers ready in bloom encourages and forces more blooms to burst forth. What we keep and hold on to that manifests and guides our life, these are abundant riches brought forth by the natural culling that occur from the selection of our choices; we brace ourselves for how fracturable that power can be when taken for granted. It is likewise with us; Do you feel it? The authenticating experience from the challenges we face and the wonder we enjoy put together as it were, shaken and released, -that essence pervades and embraces us in a pure vibration; slathering life upon us, a smothering and unclinging rhythm. Rilke was so right when he said, ...love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. I think this is why it seems to become cliche, because it feels like a burden as it accumulates and instead of absorbing its ameliorate effects naturally, we tend to resist and are compelled to push it aside for what do we do with all this love amidst so great a sorrow as having lost an unborn child? Perhaps the numbness is a shield against insanity? Your love seems to just fall right through me in one moment and in the next it is all that vividly clarifies my life. I am constantly aware, it is inevitable in the course of the way it is to accept the often times ironic juxtaposition of life and death, love and hate, good and bad, light and dark constantly coupled in the balance of existing; it hovers like an ethereal line that breaks the definition of fragility. Is this the reason that we choose one side of the balance and the universe against our will chooses the opposite side for us? The only redeeming quality evidently is what we capture within this pulse, the fact that without life, love, good and light on the one side of the spectrum, what would the purpose of the void be on the other? True nothingness. Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings., such was expressed by the sagacious Anias Nin. I dont ever want to be on that threshold where our love is threatened by an expiration of carelessness. I am so grateful for your love and I want to be worthy of it, even in my sleep I want to be awake in it. I want to fasten myself wholeheartedly to what we have, cultivate it, nourish it, let it be safe in my heart, have my soul be the keeper of it, the idea of our love, its purity, the spirit of it, which has been born in us, which cannot ever die. Always In Love with You My Treasure, -LEI
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 18:38:43 +0000
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