Gentlemen, I have seen the future. And the future... is toasters.” ~ George Washington Carver on toasters A toaster is a small land crustacean. It is generally shiny and box-like, although this can vary from species to species. The toaster has an aluminum exoskeleton with up to four slots that make up the mouth; protruding from the outer shell is a lever that is pushed down to consume prey. Also present is a dial determining how much of the prey is to be consumed, or in layspeak, toasted. The toasters natural habitat ranges from deciduous to evergreen forests. A ferocious predator, toasters have nevertheless been domesticated extensively by humans of nearly all walks of life. Stick your nose inside and it will become like your math teachers. Its so pters in Nature== On the evolutionary tree, toasters are very closely related to other appliances, especially microwaves. Toaster ovens are not as close to true toasters as you might think, but nonetheless share much of the same DNA. Also related to toasters are appliances such as refrigerators and stoves. Toasters are ferocious predators, and are hunted only by the occasional dire wolf, and of course, man. The prey of a toaster may include but is not limited to sliced bread, loafed bread, bagels, waffles, Pop-Tarts, pancakes, English muffins, and occasionally paper money and a few fingers if its feeling truly peckish. In the mesozoic era, toasters ruled the earth, but were mainly restricted to a two-block area of the Lower East Side due to rent-control. These prehistoric hunting machines, called Tyrannotoasterus (Tyrant toaster), used brawn, stealth, and small concealable pistols (also known as Saturday Night Specials) to take down their massive prey. The toasters of millennia past were huge, flying, radioactive machines[3]. Fossil evidence excavated from beneath Microsoft headquarters in Redmond, Washington, USA has definitively proven their existence outside of Lower Manhattan, at least in winged form, since 1992 A.D. Toasteropaleontology is the branch of science dedicated to the study of these majestic appliances. Currently, the great debate in the toasteropaleontologist community is whether toasters used Alternating Current, Direct Current, or possibly both. Contents[show]
Posted on: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 02:56:48 +0000
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