Gratitude Post Day 153-- It has been slightly difficult on some days to come up with a gratitude to post in the last 152, but not very many. Today has been something of an exception. Most anyone that knows me is aware that I work really, really hard. I dont get monetary benefit from my work, but I am paid richly in many other ways that feel worth it 9 times out of 10. Additionally, most people would agree that I do a lot of work on many different things, usually all at the same time. That being said, it has been quite necessary for me to become efficient, and I actually love that challenge. I am by no means any computer guru; I just happen to know how to use my computer and certain programs very well to research, collect, organize, and retain information that I can access at a future date for a myriad of uses... until today. After letting go of my beloved laptop a few days ago to see if trained professionals could bring it back to life, or at the very least recover my hard-earned information, I found out today that they could not do either. I did a really good job not letting my mind go to what if land because I knew that it would be of no value and I still had work to do so I re-entered email addresses as necessary and had people send things back to me, etc. without lamenting too much. So I guess I was unprepared for the bad news. I am physically ill about all of the documents, contact information, and photos, etc that have been lost, and yet I know that its only stuff, and thats what you are supposed to say if your house and its contents had burn up. Yes, some of it is irreplaceable, but I still have my health, and my friends and my family. And, loosing your work is not nothing. Not when you put your heart into it each and every day because the letters and numbers and thoughts and feelings translate into my love for what I do-- make connections between people and when that is lost, I feel lost. If I didnt care, it wouldnt matter, but I do care and I care deeply. I want to be able to do all that I have said I would and more that I hadnt even dreamed of yet with the information that I do not now have. It will be different now. I will have to admit what I have lost because I was not careful enough. It will be an exercise in humility because the ego wants to shout and pout and blame. It will be an opportunity to get back to the basics that I perhaps took for granted in my whirlwind of activity. It will be the chance to re-make connections & re-build relationships. Maybe I will think of new, clearer, more streamlined thoughts without the weight of all that history in the way. Through tears I can have all of these thoughts, but I cant bring myself to be grateful today. Maybe tomorrow.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 07:25:50 +0000
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