Guilty! As I get older, I learn a lot more about what Billy Shakespeare meant when he asked whether “’tis nobler …to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…” and so on. I mean, the outrages that staying alive for many years bring to the body do often make me wonder if they are worth the reward. I’ve been mostly optimistic about tomorrow as long as I can remember. I am a realist enough to expect less of many things from the day now. Instead of trying to accomplish everything I want at once, today, I concentrate on a few things after thoughtful triage of what seems desirable and necessary and then work on those chosen tasks. When I take them as far as I can, I call it good for the day. As my scope of tasks is narrowed, I find that some things have to go. They are either too time consuming or too unrewarding to merit the effort. Really, it is a tough mental exercise to concentrate on the possible, the attainable things. The unchosen possibilities are still in my consciousness and can often conjure up an uneasy feeling in me as I let them go without any more effort to resolve them. I consider this nagging guilt as part of the wages of sin, the sin being living so long. So what about this niggling self-reproach? What to do with it? I can see the philosophical value of it if it leads to improvement of character or helps better my life or the life of others. Then it acts as a goad to conscience and some good or some value comes of it. It might help me to rethink my priorities or re-direct my affordable effort into something of more value. But just mentally whipping ourselves over things we cannot undo that we have done or don’t want to take on if we haven’t already, or could do if we really wanted to are to me just exercises in self-pity. Guilt without atonement is totally worthless and completely self-centered. It contributes nothing of value to anyone. If its redress is impossible then it just becomes mental masturbation. Good people can and have done bad things. To do harm to others in any way without regret is the mark of the psychopath. But to only wallow in self-loathing about what one has or has not done that hurt others is simply mental thumb sucking or worse. I have known people that suck guilt up like a sponge and only feel satisfied when they let it rule their being. Some take on the guilt of all others, running around gathering it up for their personal hoard. What good comes of that? It seems so much better to make peace with the things that leave a bad feeling about our behavior. Make amends, whatever that takes, and then, for cripe’s sake, let it go. Jesus wept! No one but you believes that wallowing around in grief over what you cannot or will not try to make amends for thinks it looks good on you. Isn’t there enough to carry around without swaddling yourself in reproach about things beyond doing or fixing? I am not talking about regret. Regretting bad actions is an attribute of the healthy mind. It helps us to try to better ourselves. What I have no time for anymore is the wearing of self-loathing that guilt prompts in those that cannot distinguish it from contrition. To regret an ignoble act is good and worth the time and effort. To drag it about as a badge of self-hatred is selfish and wasteful. Spend your allotted time doing things you like, things that have some positive results for yourself or someone else. Fix the things you can and move on. Time’s a wasting, friend, and there is more to life to be found. The hard things in life are better faced without wearing the mark of Cain or the striped garb of the convicted. We are all guilty of something. It does not make us unique or special. Get over it.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Nov 2014 14:53:50 +0000