HOME ABOUT Archive | April, 2012 To Shushu and Hamoush 1 APR The closest person to me that I lost was my Aunt Sameera. She was the oldest out of my paternal aunts and I always viewed her as my second mom. Her and my mother were nothing less than sisters (I’ll be writing another post soon about their stories during the first intifada). Me, my siblings and her kids grew up as brothers and sisters. When she was killed back in 2005, she left behind 5 children, 3 of whom are now married. Her youngest were Shaima (Shushu) and Mohammed (Hamoush). Hamoush was 13 years old and Shushu was only 12. When I count my brothers and sisters, it always feels weird not adding them in there. I love Shushu to death we can sit in each other’s faces for hours and never get bored. And Hamoush, he just manages to put a smile on my face no matter what the situation may be. They are beyond a sister and brother to me and I always wished them nothing but happiness. My mother moved back to Gaza last summer, along with my brothers and sisters, and ever since she left I wished she would come back. Not only did I want her to come back to South Carolina, but I prayed that they would come live here in Michigan. I wanted to be taken care of the way I was in high school, I wanted her to wake me up for class, I wanted her to yell at me for being out late, I wanted her to make me grape leaves when I craved them. I just wanted my mom with me. After all, she was MY mother and she is supposed to take care of me. No one loves her like her children, and she doesn’t love anyone as much as us either. So she needed to come back, and I made sure she knew that. I would tell my brother and sister to keep complaining about how they didn’t like Gaza and how they just wanted to come back, just to get her to change her mind. When my mother visited over winter break, I noticed a change in her. The moment we picked her up from the airport, she asked me to text Shushu or Hamoush, and let them know she reached here safely. I was a bit confused as to why she would want them of all my family members to know, but I did it anyway and ignored it. But then I realized that Hamoush and Shushu were ALWAYS on her mind. From day one when she would go shopping for my brothers and sisters, she would mention all the things she needed to bring for them too. She Skyped with them consistently and brought them up in almost every conversation we would have. I don’t know if I could say that I felt jealous, because I honestly do not think I was. I joked about how she had found me a replacement, but I was still happy that she had finally come to love them as much as I did, and probably even more. And I was excited to know that they grew fond of her as well. But still, I wanted my mother to come back. I didn’t like our house the way it was without her or my siblings. I didn’t like how my father was in one place and his partner in the other. I just couldn’t see how it was worth it. In February I visited Gaza for the first time since my mom moved there. From the beginning of the trip to the last day, not a day went by that I didn’t see the both of them. When my mother walked into the room, their faces would light up. When we would go to their house, they would act like it was the first and last time she would be there. She would literally need to beg them to go home. One night, I was on the phone with my mother, when she told me that she was thinking about moving back to America because of the attacks. When I shut the phone, my little brother and Hamoush begged me to tell them what she had said. I said it completely oblivious to what Hamoush may feel. When I said that she said she might be going back, my brother Mohammed and I immediately started cheering. But when I looked at Hamoush, the cheerfulness that always illuminated from his face was gone, and he just looked puzzled. “When did she say that? Did she mean it? When are y’all leaving? Are you sure?” He bombarded me with questions that I felt so guilty answering after I had just completely crushed him. Until then I was too selfish to think about my cousins, or anyone else. But I realized that they needed her probably more than I did at that this point in my life. I had my mother and still do, but they only have the memory of their mother. Shushu’s ringtone until this day is Mother by Sami Yusuf. Hamoush said that when my mom moved to Gaza, he felt like his mother had come back to life. And all I want is for my mom to come take care of me?! So I just want to tell you, Shushu and Hamoush, that I don’t want my mom to come back anymore. I want her to stay in Gaza, if not for anyone else, then just for you two. I know she isn’t your mother but I also know that she is the closest you have to one, and I can’t take that away from you. She is your mother as much as she is mine and inshallah she will always be here for all of us. (I know I always write little disclaimers about grammar and stuff, but this one is probably the worst, so apologies!) COMMENTS 1 Comment CATEGORIES Uncategorized
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 18:27:06 +0000
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