HONEY AND SWEETIE OK AT WORK?? “Thanks, sweetie.” Are you someone who says, “Sweetie” and “Honey” because you feel it connects you with others and brings some warmth to professional settings? If so, you just might be surprised to discover the reaction it elicits in some people. On the other side of the issue, when someone uses a term of endearment with you in a professional setting, does it make you feel all warm and fuzzy, or does it make you bristle? A recent conversation in Citi’s LinkedIn group, Connect: Professional Women’s NetworkExternal Site, showed how hot a topic this can be, and how disparate people’s reactions to the use of these terms of endearment are in a professional setting. The topic was initiated by Marcy Twete’s “Don’t Call Me SweetieExternal Site” post in which she states emphatically that it is not okay to call her “Honey,” with very few exceptions. Twete is the founder and CEO of Career Girl Network. Comments in the LinkedIn conversation varied widely, some reflecting cultural differences, others simply a matter of interpretation: “It irritates me even more when a business person (man or woman) calls me ‘sweetie’ or ‘sweetheart’ in a discussion of business, or a transaction. It is very demeaning, and I am quick to retort: ‘I may be someone’s sweetie, but not yours!” “Context is everything. I don’t get worked up over it because in the grand scheme of things, it’s just not that important to me. In the South it is very common and there is no disrespect.” “When men or women call a woman ‘sweetie,’ it is demeaning...In most cases, if someone calls me honey or sweetie, I will not do business with them.” “These are terms of endearment. Anyone who feels personally invalidated or diminished by these terms may need to look deeper within.“ Power play or personal connection? Many commenters felt using terms of endearment in a professional setting was a power play, designed to minimize or diminish the “honey” or “sweetie.” Others felt it was an attempt to hide a forgotten name...or worse yet, that their names weren’t even worth remembering. On the other hand, those who used the term felt it brought a human touch to the transaction and was an attempt to connect on a personal level during a business dealing. I may be someone’s sweetie, but not yours! Cassie Boorn, who is a writer, entrepreneur, career expert, and public relations authority from Ask a PR GirlExternal Site, advises to check the climate of your work environment. “If you are in a more laid-back company that consists of teams with strong friendships, using terms of endearment might make sense,” she said. “However, if you are in a very conservative office, watch the way your colleagues communicate and take their lead.” Moreover, Boorn said, “I never recommend using an endearing term when speaking to a supervisor or more senior executive at your company. Not only can this come off as disrespectful, it can make the relationship awkward.” Transparency is key If you’re someone who uses terms of endearment as a matter of habit, try to watch the reaction in others; you might be unintentionally turning people off. Does a “Honey” get a smile in return, or does the recipient not react? You may even ask if she would prefer to be called by name. Putting it all out there can help diffuse the situation. Transparency helps on the other side as well. If you’re the recipient of a “Honey,” try to find out the intention of the person you now may be silently accusing of being an “offender.” If the only evidence of condescension is the use of a term of endearment, look for other clues before reaching that conclusion. (Full disclosure: I’m from Nashville; hence the more “southern” perspective.) We all bring our own set of assumptions to the table; remind yourself of this as you go about your business dealings. What feels right or wrong to you isn’t necessarily how the next person feels.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Jul 2013 12:08:47 +0000
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