Hannah Laurin 02-21-97 - 09-03-97 #flipagram Remembering this day Monday, September 1st, Labor Day 17 years ago...... I was off as it was a holiday spending it at home with my children Megan, Samantha & Hannah little did I know it would be our last day to spend with Hannah!! Because Tuesday would be the beginning of a 24 hour nightmare for any parent to have to bear!! Tuesday morning came as I hurried to get ready for work Hannah slept just as a had to rush out the door she woke and wanted me so desparately to hold her I grabbed her, hugged her , handed her to my grandma and ran out the door. It was a very dark and eery day outside as I remember clearly to this day 17 years later. Usual day at work went and grabbed lunch with a coworker came back and while in the break room the phone rang I tried to answer several times as they said it was my husband finally he came on the line and told me I needed to come home now and to have someone drive me because something was wrong with the baby, I kept asking what and if she were ok and he kept telling me that they(the paramedics) were working on her. I collapsed & screamed out, i was paralyzed with fear and instant pain, my friend swooped the phone away to find out what was going on then swooped me up and into her car and we drove what seemed to be the longest 30 minutes ever, as we drove by the house they had already taken her to the ER when we arrived there my dad was already there thankfully because as they told me she wasnt stable and I couldnt see her just yet he had to restrain and calm me not to mention CPS was right there to question me as well!!!! I just wanted to be with my baby!!! Once Father Frank arrived at Emmanuel he pushed his way in to be with her to bless her, Confirm her,& annoint her, i am forever grateful to him as he provided much love and support during that difficult time! The hospital decided to Med flight her to Madera Childrens Hospital, I then was allowed to kiss her and tell her I loved her but we were unable to fly with her because she was so instable!!:( once we arrived at the hospital they had already had her diagnosed she had a rare heart tumor and had to have surgery otherwise she would not survive the next 24 hours. Many tests were ran becauw of the lack of oxygen, many doctors gave us hope that she would have delayed motor skills but as a mom I was ok with that whatever it took just heal my baby. I vividly remember that one doctor that very bluntly told me the tumor is very large and her little heart is only the size of her fist he was not so confident & he was the surgeon of course, he made me angry. I was able to spend time with her before surgery, all i remember was being in awe when seeing all the lines going in and coming out of her little infant body, and stroking her head telling her it was ok Mommy was there, she responded to my voice & touch in between going into cardiac arrest multiple times. It was the longest night of my life, they took her back into surgery and a few hours later came back out to tell us she didnt survive that the tumor took up 80% of her little heart!!! It wasnt registering with me until my mom had to ask and say it out loud. My heart sank, I began to panic, went into a bit if shock as they led us to a room for all our family to sit in and they wheeled her in swaddled up like a newborn and handed her to me, i remember never wanting to let her go i just wanted to hold her forever!!! It was my worst nightmare, i felt weak, angry, guilty, hopeless, and soooo soooo very heartbroken my baby was gone. The pain is still very real and as I write I get choked up, tremble, am short of breath, and my heart races. She is missed everyday and not a day goes by that i dont think of what she would be doing, who shed be today etcetera!!! Hold your babies tight and cherish every moment you have with them!!!!! We love and miss you baby girl!!!! flipagram/f/HyYHZdVhrA
Posted on: Mon, 01 Sep 2014 18:16:14 +0000
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