Hello again my friends, its been a while. This is the first time I have been online in a month, no papers or tv either. World war III could have started and I wouldnt know it. I havent spoken to anyone for weeks, and havent left the house except to forage for food. People who know me, know I have a tendency towards isolation but this time has been different, this time I have let people down who were counting on me and I feel terrible about it. To the point where I havent even answered my phone for weeks either because I was too disappointed with myself to face anybody. I struggle with our society and often find it difficult to participate in so find myself dropping out every so often in order to escape the madness we live in, but it has only really ever affected ME when I drop out for weeks or sometimes months, however, this is the first time my ways have impacted on others and I am truly sorry to those who have had to deal with my unreliability this time around. For what it is worth, I have had a lot of time to think, to try and fix this part of me that is broken and hopefully I will soon break this spell of isolation and loneliness (both self inflicted) that has defined the last decade of my life. It has had its uses for sure and has made me a far better person and allowed me to understand things that others may not have had the time to stop and think about, but now it is turning on me and affecting my life and the lives of others, so it has to stop. I am a very private person and sharing things like this makes me uncomfortable but I just want to try and get out of that comfort zone and hopefully put myself out there a bit more once I get my shit together. This post is my way of getting that ball rolling (added to the fact that I have no-one to talk to but you guys) and trying to be part of the world that I often feel has no place for the likes of me. Thanks for reading this if you did, I appreciate how many good friends I have, even if I dont often show it. I hope this finds you all in happy places, with smiling faces. Laters. xxx
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 10:18:13 +0000
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