Here is a little rant of mine, hopefully you find this to be more inspirational than my typical negativity when having a bad moment. I believe we are all human, we all struggle with things in life & the bottom line is not so tough... although many men (or even woman), hide behind a tough mask, afraid to show their hurt & pain of their past. Thus the reason why so many people are afraid to love or commit, because they are afraid of getting hurt again. So they hide behind a Tough Exterior, a built up wall. This is my understanding and what I feel about it. Love Is Not Self-Seeking. I don’t know what you believe about how we came to be where we are, or where we came from, or where we’re going. But I think regardless of this, it’s pretty safe to look at human experience and conclude that we are creatures that desire and thrive in community. We need to share our experiences with one another. We need to take care of each other. We work best when we have someone to love, I do at least...And, Yes I do love Jim Zitnik. Love is not self-seeking. In fact, it is entirely self-giving. When loving him, I want to meet his needs and desires above all else. And when he loves me back, I would wish he do the same for me. And in this way, each of us are providing the happiness for the other person and in doing so are also providing for our own happiness in that we are doing what we’re made to do: put someone else ahead of ourselves. Love. This is why I think the atmosphere of self-help and the prevailing ideas of ”independence” and being “free” and “not tied down” and “in control of my own life” are optimistic at best and probably more in the realm of misguided and misleading. I’ve been “free from personal ties” – it’s also known as “lonely.” Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that unhealthy relationships don’t exist and I know there are times and situations where being free of a *specific* tie is exactly what is needed. When you have a relationship where one person is entirely self-giving and the other person is simply taking that for granted and not giving anything back, it is certainly hard to see any happiness coming out of it. Of course, the “other person” by definition is not loving, and therein lies the problem. There are plenty of examples of people getting it wrong, but still we have a need for community that we simply can’t meet for ourselves. So why is it that I often find myself begrudging this self giving that I know to be the best route to both my own happiness and that of those I love? I’ve made a specific committment to love Jim, his son and my children, whom to me are all in the same FAMILY. And I know that love is not self-seeking, and I know that in the perceived sacrifice of putting their needs ahead of my own I will in fact be gaining satisfaction and joy. And yet, selfishness often prevails. What leads me to spend hours reading useless – totally and completely useless – Internet news & FB posts instead of organizing my house & home? Selfishness. Why do I grumble when my kids “interrupt” me to ask me for something, even when I know it’s something they require and cannot get for themselves? Selfishness. In little things and big things (and little things that lead to big things), selfishness is the opposite of love. Fortunately, a little bit of discipline and a lot of reminders about why and how much you love the people you love can go a long way towards overcoming the habit of selfishness. Love is a decision of the will. It takes committment, and we don’t always get it right. In a time and generation largely wrapped up in entitlement to all things, anything that is not self-seeking goes against the grain. And yet, love is not self-seeking. I Corinthians 13, (Lets start with verse 3) If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ************* It is only until we shed that Wall, that mask, that hurt & that pain of past failed relationships, until we finally realize & start enjoying love again.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 12:25:43 +0000
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