Heres a wonderful power metal ballad for my Facebook friends that have good taste in music. Hehe.. Im still awake because Ive felt very anxious and overwhelmingly sad today.(And Im sick, so I keep having coughing fits) You know, its hard to imagine that I felt like this (usually way worse even) nearly every day for 5+ years. (And that was on medication. Im now very convinced that medication caused more problems than it solved. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Thus, even the idea of going back on meds is absolutely terrifying to me) I go through periods where Im just fine. Thriving, in fact. I think that there is no way that I could sink that deep again. Until it happens. Again. Something triggers it. A lot of somethings at times. Everything piles up over a few weeks, months... until I just have to break. Ive come to accept that it will always be there. I guess its how I deal with it thats important. (Admittedly, I have learned to cope with the overwhelming emotions in a much healthier way nowadays) But I think Ive done ok considering I havent had any major breakdowns in over a year. And no more hospital stays have been required. For the most part. In conclusion to my early morning sleepless rambling, I do feel like Im in a much better place than where I used to be (i rarely have the urge to kill myself now, as opposed to having the urge every waking second), but I still have my moments where I let the crazy come out to play.
Posted on: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 12:34:38 +0000
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