Hi I am Mahes. I am a Singaporean and am of Indian decent. It was very inspiring of Warren to ask me to share my story. I have three son of them with dyspraxia and other commorbities. So here goes part 1: I or my husband have no known learning disabilities neither do we know of anyone in our families with any learning disabilities. I got maried at 23 and had my first son at 24. It was a tough birth. Although he was full term during labour he went into distress and we had to have an emergency c-section. More surprise, he was underweight for a full term baby and was severely jaundiced. The first few days he had to be tube fed as he could hardly cry or suck. He stayed in the hospital for 14 days before coming home. After coming home he started thriving well. The only thing amiss in the initial days was that he slept very little at night. Fastforward at the age of eight months he started to do the bear crawl. I found it weird but being a first time mum found it amusing and cute. My mum was the main caregiver and was not concerned too. In fact instead of correcting his bear crawl she rushed him to walk. He started walking at the age of 10 months. We were ecstatic. Oh everything is fine! It was not until much much later that an OT told me that crawling is a very important phase in a babys life. It connects the left and right brain, improves core muscles and bilateral coordination. It is advised that let your babies crawl as mush as they want until they ready to walk. Nothing was amiss until he turned 1. He started talking at the age of 1 and was eloquent in his speech. But he never showed an interest in any building games or ball games. He would often miss ball coming towards him. He refused to walk down stairs and cried like it was torture when asked to do so. He could not jump with both legs. He loved to play with his thomas the tank for hours reciting his own stories which were spoken so well. I still didnt find anything amiss. Silly me. He refused to walk on sand or grass and cried his lungs out when asked to. Hair-cutting was a nightmare. He would cry on for ends.I just concluded he was a sensitive boy. Then I noticed that he toe heel walked all the time. But asking his pediatrician I was brushed off saying all kids do it. Meanwhile, he was more clumsy and refused to run or play in the playground. There were many incidents when he would through walk glass walls and end up with bruises and cuts. Its as if he could not see them at all. He was also very afraid of new environment and things that were bigger than him. I remember bringing him to a dinosaur exhibit and he cried for the whole time we were there. But he always had a keen interest in being read to. He always preferred sedentary activities. Fast forward it was time for preschool. He was often alone and bullied, even by the teacher which I only found out recently because he never told me anything at that time. He cried 3 years through Preschool and kindergarten every single day. I was at my wits end and I had quit my job to be with him full time and with a second baby. Everyday before and after school he would cry. Then I started getting complaints from the teacher saying that his fine motor skills were bad. He could not colour and hated it. He could not use the scissors to cut anything. His handwriting was atrocious. He would use his left hand for everything except writing. He was often confused with direction and could not even see things right in front of him.But nothing rang a bell. I just thought not every one was going to be an artist so its ok. How ignorant I was! Basically his disability was masked by his intelligence. He could do math beyond his age and was reading beyond his age too. He started primary school and was good academically. He was also well liked by his teacher as he was soft in nature and did not join in the rowdiness of other boys. I used to volunteer at his school and would watch other boys play soccer during break but my son would just quietly sit down in a corner and watch. Even if the ball came near him he was terrified as he could not gauge the direction. Meanwhile although I had a different kind of child, I noticed his talent for public speaking and had enrolled him for speech and drama lessons. He out shined in that and scored distinctions in his yearly graded examination by the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. He had represented his school at several speech and story telling competitions and had been a national level champion. All was well until he was in primary 5. The curriculum became tougher and I started to see him breakdown. He had severe problems with comprehension. The Singapore syllabus is the toughest for any 11 year old kid. He even started to fail his favourite subject math as the problem sums were too much for him to handle. Later I found out that Dyspraxia could affect language comprehension and he was struggling with it. That was the time I had diagnosed my second son with dyspraxia. I was wondering just wondering if he could be dyspraxic too. I took a chance and assessed him at the OT and psychologist. Yes he was dyspraxic or more DCD. Finally both I and he were at peace that all his difficulties had a name. He was also diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder that explained his low pain tolerance, and his inability to fall asleep. He also has visual processing disorder and has difficulties with depth perception. Although math is his favourite subject he can never do geometry. Whenever he saw cubes he would turn teary eyed as he would see them flipping and flipping until it gave him a headache. The school which rode on his talent for all these years started to not support him when they found out that he had a disability and was struggling academically. In SIngapore we have this mindset that everyone with a disability must be dumb and cannot have any other talent. After being diagnosed i could not afford OT for him as private OT in Singapore is very expensive. Something like $140/hr. I had 2 kids who needed it which means $280/hr per week. I could not afford that. SO I started reading up much as I could learnt alot from the internet and tried to do therapy with them at home. But as 11 year old it was hard to get him to do therapy. So I opted for the next route accommodation. I fought my way through computer typing accommodations and extra time for him. The school had told me that they have never heard of dyspraxia and I told them they have now. I was firm that accommodations have to decided by the exam boards and they could not deter me when I had all the documents in order. Never ever let anyone tell you that there is no such thing as dyspraxia! This is your child and if you dont fight for him no one will. My rally was a success and he was given all the accommodations that we requested for. Meanwhile I spoke to him and empowered him to advocate for himself. But it was not easy. Even with the paperwork in place there were teachers who picked on him for handwriting and disorganization. His math teacher asked him if he will ever pass math. He took the courage to explain to the teacher his difficulty but the teacher ignored him. One of his classmates who over heard him went on to gossip and rumour that he had some kind of mental disorder. WHen my son heard this he was hurt and told me that he would never ever explain to anyone his difficulty again. He even told me that he would never have children for he was afraid that they might be dyspraxic. It took me alot effort to try and change his mind. He also under tremendous pressure preparing for the primary school leaving examinations which are the toughest exam one will take in your life in Singapore. He passed the exam. IN SIngapore we have the 4 year secondary for the brighter kids and the 5 year secondary for the duller ones. He qualified to make a choice. Having seen the poor boy go through so much I chose the 5 year secondary even though he qualified for the 4 year secondary. I wanted him to be less anxious and gain his confidence back and also have a breather. He decided that he wanted to choose a school that was an hour journey by bus from my home because they had good support for sped. Well we have not looked back since then. We have a wonderful Allied educator supporting him in school. Being a naturally bright boy he tops his cohort every year and wins several scholarships and deans awards. His score in Math is a nothing less than 90. He is a school prefect and debater.He has friends and is very popular .But I still go into school to speak for him, as the Singaporean mentality is being a 5 year secondary student alot of opportunities to represent the school in public speaking competitions bypass him and are given to less talented 4year students who are deemed academically more talented. I have to constantly go in to remind them that talent and academic stream are two different things. But he handles alot of this stuff on his own now. He is sitting for his partial olevels this year. He is loved by all his teachers in the current school who have nothing but good things to say about him. He is a very diligent boy who aspires to become an OT as he knows how to feels to be dyspraxic and wants to help other children and parents by motivating them to reach their goals. He has a silver medal in speaking of verse and prose from the London Academy of Music and Dramatic arts and this year he has done his gold medal exam. We are still waiting for his results.He still has problems keeping his balance walking down stairs. He still cannot catch a ball. He cannot cut a straight line and walks toe to heel. He still writes with too much force and there is no gap between words. But I am one proud mum who refused to give up on my son. I could not afford therapy but I did my own by reading and watching youtube. I did alot of natural therapy like teaching him to swim and cycle. I will post a video of him in a debate. I just want to tell other parents our dyspraxic kids have hidden talents nuture them and you will be surprised, how far they can go. He may not be perfect but he is perfect to me.
Posted on: Sun, 17 Aug 2014 11:23:03 +0000
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