How I Miss You The snow crunches under my feet, my head down, hiding my face behind my hair. I remember when you told me you liked my hair out of my face; liked being able to see my gray eyes. It brings tears to my eyes as I remember our time together. So long, yet so, so short. Stuffing my gloved hands into my pockets, my face emotionless as the snow falls from the sky all around, melting on me and piling on the frozen, powder-like snow that blankets the earth and everything in it. I remember the summer here with you not three years ago. I chased you down the sidewalk to the park. Ive nearly forgotten the sound of your laughter, yet its imprinted in my mind. I would give anything to just hear it once more. Pursing my pale, cracked, dry lips, I clench my jaw and turn down Oak Street. This is the street with the Weeping Willow at the dead end. Id always find you here, staring out at the water. I go there every weekend, reminiscing on the days of us. Looking up slowly at the surroundings, I suck in a sharp breath. It hurts knowing Ill never be able to walk down this street and find you sitting at the tree, smiling peacefully out at the water. I want that. I need that. I dont know what to do without it. Please be there, I think. Though I know its pointless, what if this is all a dream, what if Im imagining it; possibly comatose? I dont know, but Im praying to a god I dont believe in, hoping a false hope, believing the impossible. Your name is on my tongue as I approach the run down fence. Torn, falling down, frozen cold, snow on its tops and wires. I remember the first time I caught you here. I nearly scared you to death. Almost silently, I mumbled a quiet hello, and you jumped ten feet in the air. Letting out a broken chuckle, I look up at the frozen Willow. It seems so sad and lifeless. Its like this tree and yourself are one. Without the other, you or it is dead. Pulling the fence up, I wriggle under the hole, walking straight to the tree. Sitting down on the far side, under its dangling branches and leaves, leaning against the tree by my back, then slowly sliding down it. Finally, my eyes filled with tears. I stare out at the frozen lake. Frozen cold like my heart; only to be unthawed by your loving words and precious emerald eyes. I lay my head against the tree, a single tear streaming down my chilled cheek, running down my chin and neck. I shivered, looking down and placing my hand on the ground next to me. You would always sit here. I remember when you told me you loved me, sitting in this exact spot. My heart nearly stopped when you did, and I didnt waste a moment saying it back. Now that I look back, I wouldve said I love you every chance I got. Pulling my glove up, the tips of my red, cold, almost numb fingers traced the heart in the stump of the tree, our first initials carved in. We called this our forever tree. In all honesty, it truly was our forever tree - here, we were never alone. This is where we were happy. Where we could be us, hide from the world. I brought you here for your nineteenth birthday, and gave you that ring, as you gave me one not a week later. I wear it to this day. The silver band, almost exactly like yours, except my says without you, whereas yours says, Im not me. My chest aches. More tears begin falling. A strangled sob escapes my numbing lips. I let my hand rest over the carving that is forever in the tree. It hurts so bad. So many years without you. So many years alone. In six months will be four years. Four years not waking up to your beautiful face. Four years of not feeling your soft, powder pink lips on my own. Four years of not hearing your musical laughter. Four years alone, sleeping in a cold bed. Four years of silence. Four years without hearing your soft, monotonous, joyous voice - of not hearing my name roll off your lips. God, how I miss you.
Posted on: Tue, 16 Sep 2014 02:37:22 +0000
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