How to Leave an Abusive Relationship... It may have taken you years or just a few days, it does not matter. What matters is that you are leaving your abuser. You might just walk out the door one day and never come back. Or plan out a lengthy process that allows you to you to completely remove yourself and everything that is yours, out of the house. However you do it, just make sure you leave. Remember you dont deserve this Realize that those first few hours will be treacherous. You have left your abuser but your abuser is more than that. Often times, our abusers are people that we have some fond memories of. They may be a parent or a spouse. Our abusers are often someone who also took care of us at times. The first few steps away from your abuser will be a very painful. You will be in the midst of a conflicting and terrifying time. But keep going. The fear will subside. Abuse is still a taboo subject. People continue to blame the victim and find excuses why one human being hit another. At the end of the day, after everyone has passed judgments and drawn conclusion, you have to find a way to live. There may be comforting friends and family around, but it is going to be hard for them to understand. This is your battle and you are going to have to be stronger than any one person should have to be. Most of the scars will heal. Bones will mend and the swollen eye will go down. You will be able to blend in with the rest of the world as if you were never beaten. But the scars will remain on your soul. Just when you think you are totally over it all, a shadow will slip into your dreams. Do not let your abuser haunt you. Conquer the abuse and destroy your abuser. The first thing you should do if you have been abused is accept the abuse as something that happened. It is not your fault that someone in your life was not able to handle their emotions and had no impulse control. It is nothing to be ashamed of and you can, and will, go on to lead a productive life. But you have to recognize and accept the abuse as being part of your story. Let go of who you think they are. It is not usually the loss of that person that hurts the most but the loss of who you imagined or wished them to be. Often you have an idea of how your mate should be and refuse to see signs that would tell a different story about how they really perceive you and their commitment to an open and caring relationship. When another person emerges than who you expected, it can be a frightening experience. People who stay with abusers will compartmentalize the trauma so that they can function without the horrible memories of abuse at the forefront of their minds. They will reason away why the abuse happened, they will lie to themselves and pretend things are not really all that bad. As long as you are clinging to an image of who you think the person ought to be, you are not having an authentic relationship with a caring being but entertaining a dangerous fantasy created by your mind. Tell someone what is happening to you. Break the silence so that others can help you with your situation. When others know what we are going through it challenges us to leave the cycle of abuse. Often abusers will isolate their victims from family and friends. If you do not have family or friends, there are shelters available to help you while you transition to the life that you deserve to live. Contact the police and have them meet you at your home so you can pack a suitcase and gather any personal belongings. It is also wise sometimes to just leave your things behind. Do not tell them you are leaving or give them an opportunity to talk you out of leaving before the police arrive. They will make promises to get help or to treat you better. Do not be deceived by false tears and controlling promises. Obtain a protective order for you and any children through the legal system. Change your routines, cell numbers and in severe cases you may want to consider changing your place of employment. Leave no word with any mutual friends as to your whereabouts. It is best if you can leave town altogether in some situations. If there are children involved, you may want to get some legal advice since you cannot just disappear with the children unless you are prepared to face kidnapping charges. The further distance you can put between you and the abuser, the better. If you do stay with your current employer, be sure to tell them about the protective order so that the receptionist or security will not let the abuser into the building and advise them to alert the police of the situation. Always have a friend walk with you to your car before you leave for several weeks or as long as you feel a threat. Get to know yourself. Spend some time in meditation and let go of any thoughts of inadequacy, fears or any other things that keep you in the abuse cycle. The abuser within is sometimes the worst abuser of all. Be kind to yourself and become your own best friend. Seek counseling and support from others who have come through similar situations. Take some time before you begin dating again. You really want to find out who you are first and love that person before you seek another intimate relationship. We cannot get love from another being when we dont yet feel love for ourselves. Do not ever give another person the power to give and take away love from you. Anyone who does not love the real you is not worthy of your attention anyway. Surround yourself with a loving network of caring friends. Center yourself so that the next relationship will be with a caring individual who respects and loves the wonderful person you are. Did this Article resonate with you? Do have genuine concerns? To Book an appointment, please visit crossroadspathwaytochange. I’m always happy to answer any questions you may have about Counselling and Psychotherapy services. I invite you to send a contact number (visit contact us tab), or alternatively call me on 0429 429 485… Crossroads Pathway to Change Counselling/Psychotherapy Specialist areas: • Individual counselling for relationships issues • Couples counselling • Abuse • General counselling and psychotherapy (Quoted from wikihow/Leave-an-Abusive-Relationship)
Posted on: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 19:35:07 +0000
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