I am a jealous and insecure woman. Yep, I said it. As much as I want to be this cool, laid back, super confident wife... at times my insecurities get the best of me, and my mind wanders to a dark place. The sad thing is that I know...150%...that my husband only has eyes for ME. He loves everything about me and is beyond attracted to my physically and mentally. He is SO incredibly respectful, we never discuss other people, and we sure as hell dont have wandering eyes (either in each others presence or not). Yet, even though my marriage is rock solid...I still have moments of weakness. There are a handful of women whom I think are gorgeous and Im threatened by. Even though Ive never met them in person, they are the type of people I would never feel comfortable with my husband being around. NOT because I dont trust him (or even them)...but because there is that little pit inside of me that fears they may have something I dont have...or he may like something in them that I will never be. Its a feeling of FEAR and INADEQUACY. I beat myself up when I feel like this, and in doing so...I make it worse. My internal dialogue consists of what the hell? Snap out of it! If he didnt want you he wouldnt be spending his life with you! And logically that all makes sense. But we all know that in both women AND men...when the heart is involved and the walls are down...our vulnerabilities are exposed and we have a small sliver of irrational thinking inside of us. I was just talking to my girlfriend and discussing this topic. It was amazing how we have both felt the exact same way, and she could relate 100% to what I was saying. Im sure there are some women out there who dont feel those moments of insecurity (or at least wont admit it), but I believe the vast majority have felt inadequate and one point or another in their lives. The same goes for men, except they are built differently than us and deal with things in their own way. Their testosterone doesnt allow them to sit around PMSing scrolling thru Instagram looking at gorgeous men...crying over a bowl of ice cream...because their hamstrings arent as defined as anothers. lol How many times do you find yourself talking to your friends about some pretty girl, but then also feel the need to point out her flaws. Its like we are chill enough and cool enough to acknowledge the beauty, but then we immediately knock her down off her pedestal a bit so that we feel better about ourselves. For example, Im 100% guilty of scrolling thru instagram and seeing a pic of some random gorgeous girl. I will go to her profile and look thru her pictures...until I see a non-airbrushed normal picture where she looks like shit...and Im like Oh, ok pheeew! Shes not as hot as I thought she was. And them Im over it. Or Ill see a really pretty girl online and feel inadequate and jealous...until I see a video where she starts talking and Im like Oh wow. Shes a moron. Ok cool. Its sad because its almost like we are expected to just be super chill women...but at the end of the day...most of us will always have some form of insecurity. Why do we have to feel this pressure to be perfect? And you know what Ive decided and learned over the years? Ive learned that its OK to have insecurities. Its OK and perfectly NORMAL to be jealous sometimes. Its OK to have fears and feel inadequate. Its human nature, and we shouldnt beat ourselves up over it. When I have one of my moments, I dont try to bottle it up. I allow myself to feel my inadequacy for a moment, but then I distract myself and MOVE ON. If its something thats festering and I cant let go of...Ill talk to my husband and confide in him. Is it somewhat embarrassing and a blow to my own ego to admit jealousy? Absolutely. But its NOT a sign of weakness. In fact, being able to admit, recognize, and express ones emotions is a sign of STRENGTH. Its a sign that you are keeping the lines of communication open with your significant other, and you are trying to achieve your own personal growth and improvement. There have been a handful of times Ive gone to my husband and confessed I was feeling insecure about a specific situation or person. He doesnt laugh or yell, he just simply says babe, youre being an idiot. I love you. Come here He grabs me, embraces me, wipes my tears (if I have any), and makes sure Im OK. And thats the only reassurance I need :) I guess the point Im trying to make is that being jealous (within reason) is NORMAL. Even the most beautiful and seemingly perfect people have insecurities sometimes. So please dont think you are crazy for thinking dumb thoughts. Your feelings are real and they are unique to you. Can they be irrational? Yes, absolutely. We are WOMEN. We are entitled to go a little crazy sometimes. But just know that you can find strength in OWNING your thoughts and expressing them. The end :) ded
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 16:11:13 +0000
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