I ask for your prayers for my family, especially for my son Zachary. I keep a lot about my personal life off of fb. Were it not for the book Ive been working on I wouldnt have spoken about what i went through as a child. I have tried very hard to be a good mom. To live my life that is 100% for them. Such as living here in a town that I despise. Away from where Im from, away from my friends, away from my family for my kids. For Zachs grandparents who I actually owe nothing to yet still stay because i gave my word 17 yrs ago that i wld let them see him grow up & i have kept my word. My children are my life.. I am not innocent at all. Ive made so many mistakes along the way. its not easy to learn how to be a good parent without guidance yet ive still tried to do whats right for my children. I am not going to sit back silent while those that shld be helping me with my son degrade me at every chance they get. No more. It breaks my heart to admit that my children endured the same as i did as a child. I tried many times to leave yet had nowhere to go, no one to turn to, threatened that if i left i wld have my children taken from me. that was my biggest fear. my children as i said are my life. Without them i had no reason to live so i stayed for 11 yrs. Both my arms were broken, stitches in my head, bruises, black eyes, bloody mouth, told many times that i was worthless, that i deserved to die, that i wasnt even wanted by my own family. When Zach was 8 mo old his dad slammed his face off the floor twice. Hes never been the same. I intervened every time to direct his anger away from my kids onto me. His brother, & his parents witnessed this more than once. they knew the whole time that he was beating us yet never intervened. Only to say dont put our son in jail. He wld grab my boys around the throat & pick up & choke slam them into the walls more than once. He used to come home from the bar drunk slam their face in their food, more than once my children & I were made to stay outside in the freezing cold huddled together under blankets trying to stay warm while he was in the house waiting for him to pass out so we cld go back in. Zach has anger issues & tonite was the 1st time I had to have the police intervene. I have been fighting for my son to not go down the same path as his dad. To show him that he can break the cycle like i did. That he has a future outside of this town. He has a big heart & hes a really good kid. I know he gets confused about things in his mind & that he has to learn to channel his anger in another way besides violence. So that is why I am asking for your prayers for my son, for my family .Even as Im seeing the words on here i have reservations about making this public. Its not easy to bear your soul & to admit that you have flaws. Im tired of hiding the truth so that they can continue to live a lie. Im tired of feeling like i should be ashamed. I am not being a good example to my children by trying to hide the truth. No man, woman, or child, should ever have to endure abuse of any kind especially by the ones that claim to love them. I thank God above that we have been away from that since 2007 & that we are all alive. Some arent so lucky. I dont care what others think of me for sharing this. I dont live my life to please you. I live my life for God & my family.
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 04:39:35 +0000
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