I dont usually share these things on Facebook, but I thought others might need comfort, especially at this time of year. If you dont need any of that, feel free to skip this status. Im trying to offer something to people who might need it, not necessary draw attention to myself. Ive got a loving family, and were taking care of each other, but thank you in advance for any messages of sympathy anyway. My family is in mourning right now over the loss of a loved one, and it reminded me that grief is bittersweet because it does two things simultaneously: it reminds us of what we lack and calls our attention more strongly to what we have. Please allow me to illustrate with two examples. My stepfather and my son had a ritual. They would sit together, and my stepfather would ask my son, “Who loves you?” and they would go down a list. “Mommy loves you, and Daddy loves you, and Nana loves you, and your sister loves you, and Papa loves you,” and whenever my son forgot one, my stepfather would fill in the missing name. Barely a week after my stepfather’s passing, I found myself instinctively using this same chant, saying, “Mommy loves you, and Daddy loves you, and Nana loves you, and your sister loves you,” and then I stopped, and my son quickly filled in, “And Papa loves me.” This is heartbreaking to me, of course, because I feel that no one can afford to lose one-fifth of the lions share of all the love they have in the world, but it also makes me want to love my son twice as much to make up the difference if that’s possible. The other example that comes to mind about the bittersweetness of loss is less particular to my situation, but I feel it forcefully reminds people of the sacredness of life. And what I mean by sacredness is that, unattached to any creed or dogma, all life and human connection- our communities, our families, our selves- has meaning and value, and we should treasure it. The example is a poem by Theodore Roetke called “The Waking.” I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. We think by feeling. What is there to know? I hear my being dance from ear to ear. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. Of those so close beside me, which are you? God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there, And learn by going where I have to go. Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how? The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair; I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. Great Nature has another thing to do To you and me; so take the lively air, And, lovely, learn by going where to go. This shaking keeps me steady. I should know. What falls away is always. And is near. I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go. ---If youre mourning a loss this holiday season, please remember also to treasure what is sacred in your life.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 15:19:43 +0000
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