I found myself all alone one day, surrounded by people who....shall we say, didnt get me, assumed the worst about me, ignored me, treated me with disdain. They told me to stop telling them what to do, when all I was doing was sharing a part of my life that had helped me get happy again. I wasnt trying to tell anyone how to live; I was sharing what had worked for me. I shared my dreams, people just accused me of acting out of ego; they accused me of being stuck-up, or they said glib things like, those happy with themselves dont need the limelight. I shared my dreams some more, trying to explain who I was and had always wanted to be, and people turned away from me. Poo pooed my dreams. It felt like I had been punched in the heart everytime someone told me to go back to work, or to stop living in cloud cuckoo land. I shared my parenting techniques because I had found out how amazing it was, people threw it back in my face. I posted my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my beliefs on FB, and people called me names, accused me of all sorts of dark motives, and made me feel so alone. No likes, no comments. I thought at least family would show support, but they showed me in all sorts of unimaginable ways how I wasnt good enough. I am surrounded by people and felt so alone. Then one day, I learned to love myself, to accept myself just as I am. I share the gift of me with others as an act of love, and despite ridicule and petty put-downs from people who have no business criticizing me, I have learned to see the magnificence and perfection of me, and all around me. Life is an artists painting - always a work in progress. You add a bit here, erase a little bit there. You enhance certain areas, and cover others. For me, I saw for a long time someone who no-one loved or liked. I felt tolerated. I did not feel celebrated. I even felt despised by many. Then one day I realised people mirror what we feel about ourselves. So I set about learning to love me as I am. No more competing for likes or comments. I just decided to be myself. I just decided that I was perfect as I am. I tried to do absolutely nothing yesterday so I could get to the heart of what bothered me about me. And after three quarters of a day I saw it - I filled my time on FB so I wouldnt have to face me. Me who is not weighing what I want to weigh, who is not in the dress size I want to wear. Me who hasnt got the social life or popularity of others. Mr who hasnt got the glamorous job or the financial power she should have. On and on it went. It was excruciating. Painful. But I realised this is who I am now. Learning to love me now exactly as I am gives me greater leverage to make the necessary changes to get the life ive always dreamed. The fact I am surrounded by people and feel alone - I accept it. As weve all seen this past year, my spirit has outgrown its old confines. It would be impossible to be like everyone else now. This is one jack that cant be put back in its box xxxxxx RIP Robin Williams.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 06:42:36 +0000
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