I have a burden that is heavy on my heart. Warning this post is gonna be yucky. I am sorry. I struggle so hard to stay positive and to not let my previous emotional baggage cloud my judgement. As most of you has assessed over the last couple of months I have been struggling internally with a personal issue. During the course of our relationship I questioned his intentions. I had girls texted me saying while he was living with me, he was trying to hook back up with her, she actually offered to shoe me the texts. The relationship was new, I chose not to, and believe him. A certain woman stalked the residence we shared and even though I tried to understand why he would not put put a stop to it, I stayed. I but him on my cell phone plan and we got new phones and he had downloaded zoosk. Again I chose to overlook this. While a group of us was out, he actively pursued a woman to the point that the entire group noticed it, again I believed his story. I wanted to believe him and I was lead to believe I was projecting past experiences on a current situation and making bad assumptions. I knew mentally I was correct, emotionally I was hoping I was wrong. Friends pointed out discrepencies but I ignored them. In fact two dear friends and one good friend I step away from, because they constantly, daily insisted I look at this situation mentally instead of emotionally. 3 weeks ago, I decided for my sanity, I had to step away from this chaos and be able to look at this situation from afar. What began as someone not respecting an agreement and basically hedging bets, has turned into a crap storm of daily lies, hurt and humiliation being revealed. I honestly tried to be mature and follow the agreed upon rules. But after about the third blindside you just dont care anymore. I spent yet another night dealing with crap, and I am done. So for everyone here is the highlights of the post 16 August fiasco and me receiving pictures and texts from an unknown person or persons . JJ and I were broke up when this happened, but we had several agreements and had made a plan of action for accessing the situation apart to see if it was fixable or not. Yes he made mistakes. Yes I was hurt, but we agreed to be friends. Before our breakup I had suffered a very physcially and emotional blow and was almost to a breaking point. I gave him credit for trying to not add burdens to me and therefore making bad decisions. When i moved out we had several outstanding issues. 1. We have a joint cell plan in my name. To cover his august bill he replaced a kitchen facet and to continue paying his bill. 2. He promised to rotate my tires. We had taken my car back and forth to PA twice to pick up and take his daughter home and they needed rotating. 3. He promised to mow my grass 3 more times. I usually sign a contract for the season for lawn maintenence, it was going to be very high to finsh out the season he said he would take care of this. I left household items here to help repay this favor. The tires have been rotated and the facet has been replaced. I assumed the other items would be taken care of as well. Beginning on Thursday information abounded. It started with blocked texts stating he had said very mean and hurtful things about me. I was devestated. I felt I had more than treated him good during our relationship and the breakup. he stated he did not say these things. But I did have huge trust issues. I let it pass. I thought we were friends. While he was changing my tires he notified me that a friend in jail he had been corresponding with was coming to visit but some how during the course of him just providing her emotional support during her lock up she had, with no encourging on his part feel in love and was moving down here to start a new life. Well kiddos my late husband paroled out. I have family members on state parole now. Moving or even visiting out of state is a huge drawn out ordeal. So we know there had to be some encourgement. I told him as a friend, jj you have got to stop lying and playing shady. You know that was our issue. And eventually your new girlfriend will start to question you as I did. I also suggest that maybe it is not the best idea to have this woman visit while you are starting a new relationship. He stated oh I am not risking a sure thing on a maybe well obviously this hurt me. Because I know now, that even though he was telling me he loved me, he was working this girl as a trade up. But I let it go. But advised him all these things add like the ones previous mentioned and eventually cause problems and doubt like that did with me.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 10:42:08 +0000