I have a job interview tomorrow, the first one that Ive had this entire year. Ive had a lot of experiences since October that have left me with some severe anxiety issues, which also got me fired from my previous job way back in January. Im not going to lie- Im nervous. Im going to tell you guys a bit of my story. Before those two disasters of full time jobs and meeting three particular people that changed my life for the worst, I wouldnt even think twice about this sort of thing. Interviews and meeting people were once my specialty- I had absolutely no hesitation at all whatsoever of introducing myself, taking charge of a class or meeting, or putting myself out there, so to speak. But being told by someone you once trusted that nobody actually likes you, youre nothing but a burden, and that they went to great lengths to avoid you because of how bad and negative youve gotten, it changes things. Feelings trapped in a basement because of a crazy roommate who spread lies about you whenever they saw you changes things. Realizing that youve been lied to and manipulated by a complete coward (who claimed to have autism, but actually turned out to be a pathological liar) who you once called a friend changes things. Having a job that you completely hate and get nauseous at the thought of just showing up there changes things. Months passed. For a while, I couldnt go to a grocery store due to social anxiety. I was terrified that someone was going to judge me or go to great lengths to avoid me completely and make me feel like I was less than dirt, just as this friend made me feel. Im in what I like to call emotional rehabilitation right now. Im slowly working my way up to become that outgoing and almost fearless young lady that I was at this time last year. Right now, I cant go to crowded gatherings like meetings because of social anxiety and constant fear of being judged, but Im slowly working on it. Im scared that the interview wont go well and Ill freeze up or not look perfect enough in appearance. Strangely enough, if I had the option to go back in time and change everything that happened this year, I wouldnt. Any experience you get, even negative, is a learning experience and a chance to grow and discover things about yourself. Going back and erasing it would be the equivalent of using an eraser to erase memories and certain discovered aspects of your personality. Now, this is an insanely long post here. I wanted to share my story because I feel that we Aspies can sometimes feel that nobody understands or nobody knows exactly what weve been through. I also want to use this as an example of trying to heal. We tend to process things in a different manner- even 5-7 months after everything came crashing down for me, Im still being affected emotionally by it, and its okay to be sad still about it. I share my experiences to give you affirmation that you or your loved one with Aspergers is not alone. Someone out there has or is experiencing what I have gone through. I also want to encourage you all to share your own experiences, for you never know if youre going to help someone or give them that feeling of, Im not the only one. Oh, and wish me luck for the interview. If I get the job, Ill get to work with kids and I absolutely love kids. :) -M.K.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 06:07:33 +0000
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