I have come to a point in my life that I believe is at the most blissful moment I have ever been at. I have been handed some extraordinary losses lately that may not heal for awhile(dont worry they are not infected) ... I cannot thank the people who are in my life right now enough to just stand their... I dont get along with some of you, some I creep out by talking to much to. I have learned a lesson these past few weeks that are invaluable.. I cannot hate anymore... Hate and anger has been a addiction I have dealt with since I was teenager. I think with strong guidance both personally and spiritually I believe I finally have a handle on my hatred towards indaviduals. There were times I would personally love to whip an indavidual till their skin was tangling and want to pour salt water on them, I have now learned hate is a wretched and horrible disease that not only effects you, but everyone around you as well. I cannot count my blessings enough for what Jeaus and the almighty have provided for me even during my times where my addiction to anger and fear was at their peaks... I have pressed on and kept moving forward beyond what I thought was going to be achievable. It wasnt till I was at my lowest emotional state did I find out that, I am actually doing the greatest work I have ever done in my entire life... Period. I have never been in such a great mood then what I have been in for YEARS... Around 7 or 9 years.... Its been such a hard journey to realize how much hate, fear and anger was inside me. I have lost so many people in fighting and arguing to get my way, when in fact the whole time I have been commuting this personal war for myself I have lost so many allies and friends. For those of you who have stuck by and watched me self destruct and were still their to help clean up the pieces and I cannot thank you enough. Rachel Ferguson you have been the greatest mom a kid could ever ask for. Thank you for showing me the light in my darkest time and allowing Jesus into my life. He truly has helped guide me through the darkest time I have ever been in. I know now life is not about yourself, but the joy and love we give other people around us. Even if you hate me, I will only show love and respect for you. I am tired of this battle that has been waging for over a decade now. I have not given up on getting to where I want to go.. But it feels like a whole new journey is ahead of me with nothing but new friendships and a nice story to tell.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Aug 2014 03:03:20 +0000
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