I have figured out the reason as to why Gabe Newelll does not have the ability to count to the integer "3". Gabe Newell got a very large following after the orange box was released in 2007. So large that his fans would keep regurgitating those jokes for the next six years. Eventually, there came a time where Gabe secretly could not stand it anymore, he needed to get out. He could not go anywhere without people rehashing his shit jokes. Whenever he went to cash his checks, he would always hear "The Cake Is a Lie" from the bank tellers. This is just one example as to what happened to his life. The Steam Summer Sales hit him the most, where he would just scroll through the YouTube videos and stare at every unfunny video of people seeing him as a deity, and stare. He would stare...and stare...and stare. Soon, he decided to end all of it and not have to listen to the Ellen Degenerates rehashing those jokes and sinking him into the deep depression he has had for the past six years. Mr. Newell went to a nearby halfway house beside the Valve building. He hung himself while he masturbated, and after he came, he decided to just let himself hang. Six long years of agony and despair. Gabe Newell can no longer count to three. The deceased do not have the ability to count. Gabe Newell is dead.
Posted on: Sat, 03 Aug 2013 17:36:54 +0000
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