I have something Ive been meaning to tell you all for a while now. Some of you, very little in fact, actually know whats been going on this past year. I would like to stress that just because you may be someone who hasn’t known doesn’t mean I think any less of you as a friend. Ive found it hard to share my problems with others or ask for help my entire life, but Ive always tried to be the person others can come to when they need it. Im finding it very different to be on the other side of this situation. Back in Oct. of last year my mum was suddenly admitted to Caboolture Hospital with severe abdominal pains. I can’t tell you how scary that was... I was so worried for her because mum has an extremely high white cell count meaning she has NEVER gotten so much as a cold before now. Over the next few months she was in and out of hospital getting test after test performed, trying to find out the cause of the constant pain as well as other uncomfortable symptoms that started up during this time. It was a very stressful time at home...and thats an understatement... several domestic fights and a lot of anxiety were going on behind the scenes I didn’t want people to see... that’s partially the reason why Ive been so distant this year, I didn’t want people to see my home life and myself falling apart at the seams at times. With everything pointing to mums Gall Bladder being the problem and Caboolture Hospital not feeling her case was serious enough to warrant a referral to the Royal Brisbane, mum was put on the waiting list to have it removed. In March my nana passed away... for year’s nana has been suffering with far advanced Dementia, and as a result the real Shirley Lewis died years ago. But not being able to physically see her anymore hurts. With everything that’s been happening I still haven’t been able to oversee a healthy mourning for my nana, I didnt have time. Nearly a week after we lost nana, mums real diagnosis came through. My mum has type CMML Leukaemia. Samples of mums blood tests had been looked at by bloods specialist in the city and from his finding and those derived from several more tests; including two Bone Marrow Biopsy’s, it was found that mum has a very rare form of Leukaemia. Chronic Myelomonocytic Leukaemia is its true name, and it is an incurable and aggressive cancer of the blood. It is within her bone marrow itself so the cancer is completely throughout her entire body. It is far from the early stages, as suggested by its name chronic and it has been dormant in her system for a number of years now. It has turned aggressive this time last year, which is why the symptoms only started then. Although apparently having an incredibly high white cell count is a giveaway symptom of the disease, but it can also be harmless so very few people with a high white cell count even think of being sick. With the new diagnosis came a horrible prognosis... mum was given 12 months to live without the marrow from a donor... Finding a donor is like finding a needle in a haystack, because it must be a 100% match. Waiting to find a donor was agony... mum was still in pain and anxiety levels for all of us were through the roof. The day I got the call from my dad to tell me we had finally, after so many months, found a donor, I fell to the floor in K-mart and cried my eyes out with joy. Needless to say there were many confused and concerned staff and customers but I didn’t care. Ever since we found out about mums disease we have been hoping for a donor, when we finally got one we then had to get the approval of the transplant team, now with their approval we have to wait for the operation. During all this time mum has been having fortnightly transfusions of fresh blood through her system because her own blood cells were breaking down as soon as formed and couldnt support her body. As we have just recently found out, mum will be going into the RBH for her first rounds of chemo at the end of this month... unfortunately this means that with the beginning of the treatments leading up to and including the operation itself and the 12months recovery/anti-rejection treatments period mum will have to live no more than a maximum of 20 mins from the RBH during this time with dad going with her as a 24/7 carer.. My brother and I will still be living here but dad will need help and breaks so at times we will also be in the city taking care of mum. If there is one thing I’ve envied my mum for it’s her ability to keep a straight face and keep appearances even though a storm of emotions broils beneath the surface. Im not so strong; I can only keep my mask on for periods of time before the cracks show through. I won’t lie; Ive had several emotional breakdowns already. I hide behind my jokes and happy face and keep myself occupied because the truth is I sink into a depression when left alone with my thoughts. Im actually a very pessimistic person in private. I realise that going out all the time with friends, to my family, makes me come across as selfish because I spend so much time out of the house but I don’t want to break in front of any of them. The last thing mum needs is that. Having less people know about all of this makes it easier for me to pretend everything is alright, so if you are someone who didn’t know; you have helped me more than words can describe and Im thankful for everyone I have in my life. My world and the world of those I love are falling apart and will soon be changing drastically... For better or for worse, I hope that when this is all over I will still have you all in my life, and I hope that you can understand why I’ve kept this all bottled to myself and few others for so long. I love you all.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 01:52:25 +0000
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