I hide behind an exterior of silence that appears to anyone on the outside as indifference. I cling to it in fear that the one who I need the most will see my failures and faults and walk away. I fear once again I will not be good enough. At some point the inner fear escapes to the outside and I hurt the one I love the most. It is like being trapped behind a one way mirror, seeing my doppelganger destroy my hopes and dreams, and being unable to stop him. The pain of watching yourself tear apart what you so desperately want to make whole is excruciating. But it pales in comparison to the pain that comes from knowing you have broken a trust and irrevocably hurt the one you love. At that moment the only thing left to do is go away quietly. Having felt the crushing weight of losing you I have given up all pretense and bravado. I am laid bare, raw, exposed and vulnerable. I accept my situation because I created it. I will move forward because I have no other choice. I will always regret what I was not able to do. I will always regret the hurtful things I said. I will avoid thinking of what should have been to avoid the pain it brings. I will always love you.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Jul 2013 04:38:17 +0000
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