I hope I never find someone I love as much as her. I don’t say that because I am a cynic, and I don’t say that because I hope we get back together. I say that simply because the love I shared with her was too much for me. It was raw, it was passionate, it was all-encompassing, it was emotional, it was everything. She was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night. I felt incomplete when I wasn’t around her, and when she was near it was like everything was right in the world again. She was my other half, and what I considered the best part of myself. She made me crazy and emotional. It was like our entire time together was a roller coaster of missing her, loving her, and needing her. And I pray to God I never ever feel that way again. I hope my ex, and high school sweetie heart was the love of my life because I never want to feel that kind of love again. I had it for 4 years. It changed my life and it is something that I will cherish for the rest of forever. I found that kind of love young and I loved every minute of being in it. Even when we were fighting and I hated her, I loved it. But I never want to feel it again. That kind of pain and hurt mixed in with such passionate love was too much for me. It was too much for my heart to handle and when she decided to leave me, I didn’t understand how the world would keep turning. But it did keep turning, and one day the ache in my chest stopped hurting and all the broken little pieces of my heart and soul seemed to be put back together. That’s when I realized I don’t need that kind of love or that kind of life. It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love again. I can’t wait to fall in love again, but I hope and pray it is a very different kind of love. I don’t want someone to be my other half, I want someone who makes me feel whole on my own. I don’t want to miss someone so much it hurts, I want to know that even when I am apart from her I can trust her and know that she is coming home to me. I don’t want her to be my last thought when I go to bed at night because I want her to be beside me when I go to bed at night. I don’t want her to be the best part of me, I want her to encourage me and push me to be the best self I can be on my own. I want a partner. I want someone I can rely on 24 hours out of the day, seven days a week. I want a love that makes me smile and go to bed completely content with my life. My ex taught me more about love and life than she will never know. We were young and naive and loved being in love, but it was the wrong kind of love. I hope it was a once in a lifetime kind of love for the both of us, and I hope one day we both find a better, more whole kind of love. Love you always
Posted on: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 12:43:24 +0000
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