I know its new to most of us growing up and freshly becoming what we want or in some cases what other people want us to be. But lets me honest as the years have gone on we have all built walls had our guards up and fought feeling we have had to prevent from getting hurt and it might not be because we dont want to love because we do, we will always WANT to love its the lack of being loved or not being loved back that scares us. We determine a uncomfortable acceptance for being alone at least I did I become strong but calloused from my past and I dont hold it against anyone Ive forgiven all who have wronged me, but that doesnt take away the fear of that same pain. Being in that kind of mental and emotional pain is exhausting and its hard to keep up. Hard to sleep. Hard to focus. So I distracted myself I spent my time taking care of everyone else around me instead of fixing myself and thats why its taking so long for me to get where Im at to avoid the pain the conflict with my feelings I worked, worked out, did art, but didnt let my mind wander into the dark because I knew Id break down. It hurts to be completely devoted to someone completely in sync with someone who is devoted to everyone but you Im sync with everyone around you and doesnt give you the time of day. It sucks it hurts but think about it weve all experienced it at this point or have done it to someone. Weve been up all night worried about someone weve fought battles for people that could care less we go out of our way to show love and Affection, bend over backwards and love with every breath we have and yet we get mad at ourselves for being defeated like we couldnt walk away like it was going to hurt more to walk away than it was to stay and endure the bullshit the petty arguments and being treated like a door mat! Right?!? Well guess what its not worth it. Its only going to get worse and its only going to kill your spirits get up let go of that ball and chain that brings you down praise God for what you do have and become who you want to see instead of what the world wants you to be.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Feb 2014 13:23:19 +0000
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