I lost my husband in April of this year and if you dont know what - TopicsExpress

I lost my husband in April of this year and if you dont know what to say to me, dont say anything. I am sorry I am not grieving the way you think I ought to, I am sorry you werent at the top or even at the bottom of my list to call when it happened, I am sorry you found his funeral to long for you to say the whole time, I am sorry I didnt think of you when I planned it for a friday instead of a saturnday so you could be there. Dont tell me you know how I feel, you havent walked in my shoes. Yes, I am still angry, but not as much as before, yes there are still times when I wonder why God took him now, yes I feel mad and cheated that I didnt get to say good bye. Why it was Gods plan for this to happen this way I dont know, but one day I will ask him. I know God has been with me the whole time, I know it was his will for all of this to happen the way that it did. I know he knows my struggles, stop telling me to just rely on the Lord, how do you think I made it this far. I havent lost my faith, the Lord is still my Lord, he knows exactly how I am feeling and he understands my disappointment, my anger, my frustration, my loneliness. He will work everything out for me I know, but that doesnt stop my heart from hurting, or tears from flowing at times. If my temper is too quick, I apologize, being mother, father, grandmother and grandfather, head of household, making every decision on my own, my best frielnd, the other half of me, my confidant is gone and I not use to doing things on my own. Please allow me some time to adjust. I dont mean to hurt anyones feeling but if you dont know what to say, just hug my neck and go on, dont say anything. I love all my friends and family and have a wonderful Sunday School class where we can keep it real and share our thoughts and burdens, if I offended any of you by being honest and truthful about my self, I apologize. Maryleigh Freeman you are my rock and I love you so very very much. Yes I want everyone to keep praying for me, cause when I am down I know those prayers are lifting me up.

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