I might offend some of you with this. I commented on a friends share of this video yesterday and said simply, This doesnt happen to me. I cant relate. At the time I had only seen the most obnoxious clips of the video. Some friends either thought I was lying or thought I was being insensitive for saying I cant relate. I replied that it doesnt mean I dont care or think its right for people to be harassed, its just not part of my reality. Now that Ive seen the entire video, I have more to say. And I want to tell you first that I am far more nervous about expressing this opinion here than I ever am about walking alone anywhere. What does that say about my place in society at large and within my peer group? Hmm. Anyway, heres the rest of what I think. People dont shout disrespectful remarks at me. And I do not consider just any unsolicited greeting to be disrespectful. I give them myself sometimes. When someone speaks to me on the street, I make eye contact and acknowledge the remark. Sometimes the acknowledgment is friendly, sometimes its terse, but it is always a display of power. If you say good morning, I smile, look you in the eye, and say it back. I hold that eye contact long enough for you to know that I could pick you out of a lineup if necessary. And if youre just a nice person greeting me, you wont be thinking about lineups. Youll be thinking, good, a fellow human appreciated my act of kindness. If you joke with me, I will look you in the eye and joke back, and if you thought I might be meek and you could mess with me, now you know otherwise. If I didnt like what you said, the hard eye I give you will stop you cold. If you step toward me, I will, as they say, chest up. You will step back. The woman in this video looks frightened. She never makes eye contact. She never shows the men that she is aware of them and will oppose them if necessary. She shrinks further inward the more they speak to her. I do not look frightened when I walk a street. Ever. My martial arts training and years of practice instilled that in me. Even if I do feel that the situation might become a problem, I never show fear. Ever. To such an extent that men sometimes step off the sidewalk to avoid me. Im not criticizing her or validating predatory behavior. Im telling you how I avoid it and Im saying if she had the benefit of similar training, the attitude she naturally exudes would be more powerful and she would no longer consider herself victimized, because she would know, and show, that she is in control of her environment at all times. The manner in which we walk the street is a choice, with predictable cause and effect results. I respect her choice to walk the street as she does, if thats what she wants to do. If she doesnt like the results, she can change how she handles exchanges with strangers, as I did. Would I rather wander, looking down at my phone or up at the sky, not worrying about my surroundings? Sure, that would be much more pleasant, until the inevitable predation would happen. Yes, its inherently wrong that people prey on other people. Can we change it? No. Is it gender based? No. Women prey on women, men prey on men, women prey on men. Ive see all variations with my own eyes. Framing this as a gender issue distracts from the truth - its an issue about power, power that we all have inherently and can show if we choose to.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Oct 2014 18:11:17 +0000
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