I need to apologize... Walgreens...I am sorry. I was in need, and you were there. Well, I am pretty sure you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. This is what happened: Mowing Mrs. Williamsons yard, I felt the rumble. No biggie. A yardcare guy has friendly bathroom radar, and I knew there was time. As I neared completion of the yard, leaf blower in hand...I felt something amiss. The pressure to...ahem...well....suddenly I was in a hurry. I do hope Mrs. Williamson did not mistake my haste for rudeness. Today she needed extra work done and I was nearing crisis levels as the rumbling began to move lower and lower. I have company coming later. Would you mind blowing off the back deck, the side driveway and the stairs? Certainly! Glad to do it... I charged to the task knowing every second counted. I finished the job and leapt unceremoniously into the truck...forgoing the usual pleasantries out of sheer necessity. This was going to be close, and I was worried. I drove hastily to the main road, and as beads of sweat began to appear on my forehead, it was clear my own bathroom was too far away to be of use. Things were happening for some reason, and it was time to improvise. Hardees looked crowded, and I did not fancy using a urinal for the task at hand should the stall be occupied. Walgreens on the left...that will do. Oh please oh please oh please...let there be no one in the one stall bathroom. I screeched to a stop outside and, in my absolutely fakest nonchalant gait, sweat pouring down my face, I shuffled quickly to the back of the store. My prayers were answered. Bathroom empty, I hit the gleaming porcelain sanctuary at a run. I am not proud of what followed. The caustic flood of Hades borne putreficant tore a hole in the side of the vessel, but I held on to the handicap bar for all I was worth. The relief I felt was akin to graduating from high school...all the pent up frustration and pressure released in one simultaneously glorious yet abhorrent flood. As I allowed myself a moment to appreciate the disaster that was narrowly averted, I could feel flecks of paint falling from the walls and gently tapping my shoulders, as though reminding me that I had ruined a hapless employees day. I cleaned up as much as possible, and did not acknowledge the destruction and desolation left in my wake. Washing my hands, I started to whistle softly. Exiting the bathroom I encountered a throng of wide eyed on looking customers...mouths agape. One lady covered her young childs eyes as I walked past. I pretended not to notice. Pepsi! I should purchase a Pepsi to pay restitution for my wrongdoing. The expression of the cashier was one of guarded alarm. She seemed surprised when I smiled and offered my money. Perhaps she was worried my money was somehow contaminated? I really dont think it was. Nah...probably not. I was genuinely happy as I drove away. My problem was solved. Looking in the rear view mirror, I saw the smoldering hulk that used to be the Franklin Road Walgreens disappear into the distance. I am glad it was there. Yep. Yay me.....
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 01:09:12 +0000