I never thought I would say this, but Im back in New York and missing the home I left behind. Being away from the city the past eight days has reminded me of who I really am. Contrary to what others might perceive me as, I have not decided on one set route. To be frank, Ive felt a bit all over the map the past two years. Im a chameleon and a truth seeker and Im still seeking my complete truth. I think when Out Magazine wrote about my book, it left some with the impression that I had already figured it out and also left me with this overwhelming sense of pressure to determine where I fit. I am very much in flux and my gender is fluid and non-binary currently. Im not saying that wont change going forward (as I have been taking some steps privately to be closer to how I feel I should be), but for now Im living on the divide, working towards a place that brings me peace. And thats okay... Its okay to not fit into one box or the other. Its okay to be your own person. And maybe thats what I needed to realize -- that I can create my own box, that I can be all these pieces of myself, because they all make up the person I am today. All I know is that I will never be in the deep end of the male gender pool, that I feel female on the inside and that Ive made some progress in feeling a bit more comfortable in my body. However, its not an easy process and Im still on that path to figure out my place to land. Will it be far right or will it be someplace that is fluid, neutral or both? Time will tell. I dont think that makes me any less of a trans* identity. I wanted to start off 2015 on the right foot and I felt the need to get that off my chest. I know eventually I will figure out what is right for me. For now, Im taking it one day at a time and doing what I can to feel more happy in the moment. Because in the end, thats all we have, isnt it? This moment. Be.
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 18:13:37 +0000