I posted this image yesterday, then after used it in a sentence to make a point to a sibling, that bullied me all my life. Still thinks its her way or the highway, and over this, lost a friend as it was taken as something I would actually do. We all say things in spite, I wouldnt ever say this to my ex, but my sister, always smiled at my misfortune, and rubbed the salt in the wounds. I discovered my biological father wasnt my Dad, she was smiling and smug about it. My dearest friend and closest friend, my cousin, was abused by her father as a child, took her life in 1997, as she was never given a voice, if I post something that makes you feel uncomfortable, there has been something so significant going on that has sprung a leak in my internal pressure cooker. Rolf Harris, give me five minutes with that man I would wipe the smile off his face. My family is full of Egomaniacs like him. Narcissicistic Personality Disorder. I work very hard, to overcome all the abuse and negativity I endured growing up, and still do to this day. I had to change my career from Accounting after my cousin took her life, as I was too busy to be there for her. I still carry guilt, for not getting it in my head, the plea she was making to me, when she confessed what her father did to her as a child. I feel it is my fault and still my fault, as thinking I was helping her, I gave her a personal development book, I was finding very helpful, to overcome my personal losses and grief with being constantly marginalised due to my sister, aunts mothers bad decisions, and me not being able to let go and forgive. The time I spent trying to forgive them, I should have been trying to help my cousin more. I took a week off work to write her eulogy, to help my aunt and cousin. Grief is something that will be with me for the rest of my life. because Bronwyn was such a big part of it for many years, always the gentle soft spoken spirit. Hers and my spirits were crushed by our parents. The book from a course Free to Be Me, was Susan Jeffers, Feel the fear and do it anyway... it helped me focus on 12 important aspects of my life and heal them all one by one. I was told Bronwyn was past being able to read it. So she read the title, and that was to me her final blessing, its time to take my life. The wounds and thorns on her path in a poem I read at her Eulogy, were that she lost in this world, she looked up, God took her soul. She rests in peace. I will never be at peace because I was made to feel I was the one who gave her permission. I today forgive myself, I did nothing wrong, I know her spirit is around me Cheryl, Matt, Jeff, and my children everyday. When I see two butterflies... fly through my garden, I say that is Bronwyn and Stevie, her brother, who died 10 years earlier than her. May we all be silent for a minute and reflect on all our loved ones we have lost, and may our egos not be too big like Rolf Harris to say sorry, what I did was disgraceful, and ruined a young life forever. My sister called my cousin a coward, I am still waiting for an apology that will never come, as my sister is the same personality as Rolf Harris, as is all the family I havent spoken to for almost 17 years. Too self absorbed, too opinionated to ever hear Bronwyn or my story to be positive forces in our lives, they chose to crush us, avoid us, damn us forever. Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do... AMEN..!!
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 02:43:12 +0000
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