I wanted to get on here, to clear up any confusion or well clarify in advance all the diferent versions of stories that will likely take shape via the GOSSIPERS around me, I went yesterday to the mental health, which to anyone who knows me (not just thinks they know me or has an ideological opinion of who they think i am and what is really wrong with me) I went to the ccmh yesterday to seek help that ive known i have need for a long long time, little does anyone know that was the most challenging most painful most killing thing for me to do, to step up volunteerly and try and get help, (again anyone who knows me knows that is NOT bs) I suffer from severe , not borderline paranoia so i do not trust doctors or the human race, im not talking just simply dont trust them im talking feel they want to keel me, or cause my life problems, or condem me to a permanent locked facility... to say the least with a full evaluation they insisted i go to an impatient treatment facility, in which i was happy to accept, finally i was headed in the direction not to be cured, or fixed as that is clearly impossible but to be helped in controlling my thoughts controlling my violent outburst and most of all my paranoia, well i was taking by ambulance to st marys hospital in decatur, where after it taking a good while to set it up, i was taking into the er, was the first mistake of many i was already had a bed waiting for me in the pshyciatric facility, they started off by treating me as a homeless junkie, i made clear im not a junkie nor am i homeless, i own my house outright no liens, have deed in hand so in reallity my life is pretty damn good in compartising to alot of others, they then continued to come at me with the same de-meaning looks and tones again i informed them that i was sent there by mental health and they had a bed upstairs waiting for me, as soon as i walked in they had security and all there, they asked me if I felt in control if i felt fine at that point i was frustrated and did not want to destroy the security so i said yes im perfectly fine nothing wrong with me, after i had done told 3 different people how very much NOT ok i was, then i spent the next 4 hours laying in the bed, door wide open and was giving the oppurtunity to have my paranoid thoughts about doctors and nurses verified, that they simply do not care and only worry about money, they began saying how ohh there is nothing wrong with him, he just needs someone to talk to hes an opiate junky(again anyone who knows me closely knows i am no longer an opiate junkie i simply do self maintenance) (take about 10% of what i use to for anyone who does not know) i was brutaly honest, about everything with them they continued to drill me and try to twist me into saying i was simply withdrawling which i clearly was not, and have not for a long time now. after sitting there for about another hour and half, the doctor comes in with his pre determined decision, he began to tell me how i seem fine, and he does not think i need to be in the hospital, asked me what insurance i had all during this i continued to plead to him that there was already a bed upstairs for me, its all set up then he says do you want to kill yourself right this second, and again i was at the point i trusted none of them and i instructed him no more then normal, he said what insurance do u have i replied medical card, with no hesitation he says i do not think u need to be in the hospital, you really dont want to be in the hospital do ya u dont think u really need to be in here do u, agqainb as he was saying this i tried to tell him it was all set up already, but by that poitn i no longer cared, i had giving up the half ounce of hope i had that i would finally after years of turmoil after years of destroying my ex wife and kids and also punishing my girlfriend of right now get the help i truely need. so when someone ask me why i absolutely do not trust doctors, in a nut shell this is why, when people ask well why do you not trust people this is a good reason, regardless the already paranoid ideas plots and plans i have screaming thru my mind 24/7 few people know about, but this was not the first time doctors had failed me when i begged for help, this is the 3rd time. So, if anyone says anything to you, or if anyone of you think i ENJOY being how i am and dont want help, or there is nothing wrong with me. please defend at least the facts idc what people think of me because clearly i feel everyone hates me and just want to cause me harm or problems in life anyway, but before you talk like you are perfect and talk like i enjoy who i am and how i am, think again i hate myself and everything about me and people are making this easier to do on a regular basis.. This is a message to anyone and everyone, but specifically to those who may think they want to fued with me, or start trouble with me I DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO LOOSE, I DO NOT HAVE ANY FEAR OF DEATH OR CONFINMENT, I VERY MUCH SO CAN CAUSE A GREAT DEAL OF HARM TO SOMEONE WITHOUT ANY REGRETS, NOT BY CHOICE BUT BECAUSE THIS IS HOW IVE BEEN WIRED TO BE, SO PLEASE BEFORE YOU STEP OVER A LINE YOU WILL TOTALLY REGRET LATER, PLEASE LET ME ALONE UNTILL I CAN FIX MYSELF, BECAUSE GOSSIP AND PEOPLE TALKING BAOUT THINGS THEY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT ARE ONE OF MY BIGGEST TRIGGERS RIGHT NOW, SIMPLY BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW IF WHATS IN MY MIND IS REAL OR NOT AND SOMETIMES I SIMPLY DO NOT TRY TO CYPHER BETWEEN THE 2, AND JUST ACCEPT EVERYONE HAS A BIG PLAN TO DESTROY MY LIFE OR RUIN ME. IT REALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHO SOMEONE IS, HOW BIG OR BAD THEY ARE, IT HAS TO DO WITH WHO HAS WHAT TO LOOSE, SO IM BEGGIN ANYONE WHO HAS ISSUE WITH ME, IN ANYWAY WAIT UNTILL IM SOMEWHAT STABLE BEFORE YOU GET IN A MESS YOU REALLY WANT NO PART OF.
Posted on: Tue, 22 Jul 2014 18:33:25 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015