I wanted to share something that I wrote over 2 years ago when I first found out about my daughters suicide via facebook. Although a lot has changed since this was written, I still believe my daughters tragedy can be a catalyst for change in the family court system. It only takes a drop of water to begin a waterfall !! On December 11th 2003 my life, the life of my daughter Audrie Pott, and the lives of many others were forever changed . Every year my family would celebrate Audrie’s birthday during an annual birthday celebration at Scottsdale Gainey Ranch in Arizona where 60 family members would gather to celebrate her life. Over the course of 6.5 years myself along with Shelia – Audries biological mother would take family vacations which consisted of trips to Hawaii, San Diego, Arizona and Disneyland with close friends and family members. Audrie and I had a family tradition that every Christmas as father and daughter we would pick out the perfect Christmas tree and ornaments to decorate together as a celebration of the spirit of the season at my home in San Jose CA. That fateful day was the last time I saw my precious daughter. On the afternoon of December 12, 2003 Shelia came to my home to pick up Audrie after a sleep over at my home with her new boyfriend. After countless attempts to see or have contact with my daughter, I did what any loving father would have done, I filed a child paternity suit and fought for joint custody of my daughter, Audrie. To my horror, I found out that in the state of California an unmarried parent would have to sue their partner /significant other within two years of the child’s birth and order a blood test in order to be considered the childs presumed father – biological parent is non conclusive and has no standing in the state of CA. I lost everything; my daughter, my reason for living, my life savings and my trust in the family court justice system. Imagine if your child was taken from you after 6.5 years but there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. There was nothing I could do, because I had to abide by the California family court laws that all upstanding citizens do. I trusted the family court judicial system and lost all parental rights to my daughter. I never would have imagined, that it was possible for a responsible parent to lose all parental rights to their child and would not be allowed to see them until the child turns 18. But, because of outdated family laws that have no bearing in todays ever changing family dynamics, I lost custody and was not allowed to ever see my beautiful little girl Audrie again. Some of these statues have since been changed, further proof that they were wrong in the first place. There are so many aspects to my paternity case that it would take months to discuss, maybe even longer to share them so I have chosen to only mention certain elements of her paternity case in this letter. As I make a statement as it applies to me as a grieving father I want to begin by forgiving all families involved in this terrible tragedy and open new and fresh dialog and protect the life and legacy of my daughter Audrie. I want to start the conversation, the very difficult conversation of how parents can protect their rights as parents in a sometimes unjust family court system that is based upon old laws that are outdated and not in the best interest of biological parents, grandparents or the best interest of our innocent children. The family courts system needs change in these laws as this is happening to families throughout our great country. I intend to devote my life to institute change and help families who do not have the financial means to protect their god given biological right to be a parent. It is thru my story, and the tragedy of my daughter that I intend to institute change and prevent responsible loving parents from losing custody of their children. I have been asked many times by many different people what my intentions are. With all that Audrie, myself, my family and friends have been through, there are those that would expect me to lash out at any and all persons involved in my daughter’s tragedy/death. I have decided to forgive all people that are involved and move towards the path of healing and forgiveness. The first injustice that began on December 11, 2003 need not live on inside me as anger or frustration, but instead be turned into a catalyst for change and healing. Not just for me, but for all who have been involved in the loss of a child or parent. The devastating effects are far reaching and difficult to cope with...trauma such as this requires coping skills that the general population simply are not equipped with... I want to be acknowledged as Audries biological Father, in every sense of the word. I will always love my daughter unconditionally, she was a gift from god and the cause of celebration in my life and lives of many others. I devoted my life to her, loved her unconditionally, clothed and fed her but for me that simply wasnt enough, she deseved more than just superficiality. I cherished her as only a father could...to me she was my Mija, my little angel, she was given to me from God, and I cherished every waking moment with her in my life. For the past 10 years there has never been a minute of the day that I have not though of my daughter Audrie. I now seek comfort seeing her every day thru the eyes of her beautiful three year old brother Connor who was a gift from God and has given me the strength to carry on. I still sometimes question myself if I am going to be able to make it living without her, but the love and support of my beautiful family and faith in God has given me the strength to endure the heartbreak. I will always cherish the beautiful times I spent with my daughter Audrie, her memory of the precious times she spent with me and her loving family, grasping at the faintest hope that someday she would walk through my door once again and find all her things just the way she had left them. Her hand-painted kite on the fridge, her creative beautiful artwork, her little sequined purse hanging on the bed railing...her videos and toys, here beautiful pictures with her amazing smile and beautiful eyes resting next to photos of her grandparents Richard and Rita Lazarin and close family members. I want myself, as well as, my family to have closure which includes knowing where she is buried. Until this day, me and my family members have never been notified of her death as I had to hear of her tragic death via television, social media the internet/facebook. How do I even begin to close this chapter? I stand before you and openly admit that I have had a very difficult 10 years living without my beautiful little girl. For people who had suffered trauma this severe it is difficult to face the everyday world. As I resolved to live a life without Audrie, I went into a deep depression, I was on autopilot. Life had no meaning anymore. All the joy had gone out of the world. I just wasnt present anymore. I would poor over the box of court papers trying to find a flaw, ANYTHING that I could use to appeal the court ruling, but was never able to find anything. I had used up my life savings and all financial resources available to me fighting for the right to see my daughter again. I resigned from life and struggled through times of guilt, questioning if I did everything I could to have her back into my life again, replaying it over and over again the devastating events of 2003. The only glimmer of hope I had left was her 18th birthday. That was the day that I would take my daughter in my arms and tell her how much I loved and missed her, tell her the absolute truth to all that happened and express my unconditional love to her. I envisioned and waited patiently for her 18th birthday so I could express all the love I had towards her and express how much sweeter life was with her in it. It was to be the grandest celebration, with all of the family invited, all 200 family members. Now that day will never come. Audrie is in Heaven, in a place where she will never again be harmed, and that is of some comfort to me and my family. I will always be Audries father. Her guardian, her protector, her mentor...I dont require a court, a piece of paper or any person to prove it. One only needs to look upon my face, my beautiful family photos of her loving family, her grandparents, my brother and sister, her aunts and uncles and cousins. I will forever be her papa and will forever protect her legacy. As I move through this transitional period in my life, it will be part of my healing to share how it is transpiring, to help people in need and show them that people can forgive, that it can be done! I stand here before you and tell the world that I have no hatred in my heart only a sense of forgiveness. I want this trajedy to be a catalyst for change. I want Audries spirit to live on in the hearts of all who need love and support the most, to give a voice to the voiceless.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 07:04:58 +0000