I was asked recently by a family about how to help Mum, who has dementia, to cope with Dad’s death. Most of the time she does not seem to remember, sometimes she might be sad or ask where he is. These seem to be the most important things: Even if there is little cognitive ability the loss and grief may be felt emotionally and somatically. Yes, tell someone with dementia or Alzeimers about the death. If their level of cognitive ability is poor, tell them once and then if they ask “Where’s Joe?” say they are not here and reassure them that the person is ‘safe’, or if they can process more you can gently reiterate they have died. Tell them at a time when they are usually at their most alert and in a safe, familiar environment. Give time for them to process the information and express their emotions. When speaking about the person who has died use the past tense – reminisce, look at photos together, say you miss them too. Use simple language and avoid euphemisms for death. Consider involving the person in some aspect of planning / arranging the funeral to help to make the death real. Sometimes it is necessary to modify rituals to make them manageable to the person with dementia e.g. making a private visit to the funeral home, arranging for participation in part of the ritual (for example, putting a flower on the coffin), making a short ceremony that is accessible maybe before the main funeral. Think about things the person who has died used to do for the person with dementia e.g. making tea in the morning, visiting, and pay attention to filling those gaps. These may be times when they miss them most. For more information I found these 2 articles helpful. bethspatterson.wordpress/2010/07/04/helping-the-person-with-dementia-grieve-after-the-death-of-a-loved-one/ alznc.org/index.php/alzheimers-managing-stress/69-sharing-bad-news
Posted on: Mon, 12 Aug 2013 14:56:34 +0000
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